The Macalope Weekly: Perspective

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Remember that scene in Return of the Jedi where Obi-Wan says “Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” Remember how he just glossed over the fact that he told Luke that Darth Vader “betrayed and murdered” his father?

Yeah, sorry, Obi-Wan, but you can’t Jedi mind-trick away objective truth. Not that these pundits know that. As far as they’re concerned, perspective is all that matters, and from where they’re standing Apple (and only Apple) is doomed, others will magically succeed where it has failed, and people who buy Apple products are dopes who spend too much.

Doom is a one-way street

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The Macalope: The prediction of the Beast

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Yes, two out of two Forbes contributors (disclaimer: not actually contributing anything) declare 2014 the year Apple better introduce a phablet or … uh … well, something bad will happen! Mark their words!

Haydn Shaughnessy says: “Apple, Move Into Phablets Or Lose Out To Windows” (no links for Forbes).

Having created the tablet market with the iPad, Apple has been woefully slow into Phablets.

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The Macalope: Apple doom enters 37th consecutive year

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Turn out this whole Google-buying-Nest thing is really indicative of how badly Apple’s falled. What a shocker that is.

Writing for ZDNet, Jason O’Grady proclaims:

“Apple: Same dog food, reheated” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

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The Macalope Weekly: Disclaimers

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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As you may have heard, Google scooped up Nest this week for $3.2 billion, but what’s important to pundits is what that says about how doomed Apple is. Naturally. Their publications would, however, like you to know that their opinions are their own.

Please.

We hardly even know these guys.

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The Macalope: From zero to Apple in 3.5 seconds

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Big news on Monday as Google scooped up Nest, maker of snazzy thermostats. No, really. Snazzy thermostats are all the rage.

So, congratulations to Google! Meanwhile, Nest owners can all look forward to having to remember to log out of Google+ on their thermostats before they change their temperature settings, or everyone will see them. Well, “everyone” being the 20 or so Google employees actively using Google+.

But who’s the big loser here? Can you guess? Can you? Sure you can.

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The Macalope: Satire is dead

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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You guys are going to love this because someone has written a pitch-perfect satire of your average Business Insider piece.

Jim Edwards writes “Android Kicked iPhone’s Butt At CES, And Apple Ought To Worry About Becoming the BlackBerry of 2014” (tip o’ the antlers to Wes Kroesbergen).

So. Funny. First off, it would be just like Business Insider to try to figure out a way to jam something about Apple into a trade show the company doesn’t attend. Hysterical. Second, a comparison to BlackBerry? Standing ovation. We’re just two weeks into the year, but this could be the best satire of 2014 because …

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The Macalope Weekly: Magical thinking

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Phablets are still in the minority, but Apple must make one! Microsoft’s CEO search continues, but don’t worry—it’ll find its magical candidate some day soon and all will be well. Besides, everyone loves Microsoft.

Phablet or bust

Writing for the Motley Fool, Sam Mattera jumps on the burgeoning “APPLE MUST MAKE A PHABLET THIS YEAR OR DIE” bandwagon.

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