The Macalope Weekly: The games we play

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Let’s face it, the world of technology coverage is often a charade. Those brash and yelly Wall Street people on TV are often just playing a role for dramatic effect. Reports of Apple’s quarterly results must be portrayed in the silliest light possible, or how will you get people to pay attention to you? And, as we’ve all learned, two things sell: sex and Apple. So make every story about Apple, whether it is or not.

I play one on TV

Yahoo Finance’s Jeff Macke is putting on his stern face and playing Apple curmudgeon because that’s what you do when you make Wall Street talking head videos.

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The Macalope: Miss-direction

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Apple had another record quarter, so you know what that means. Yes, it’s doom o’clock again!

Oh, let’s face it, it’s always doom o’clock when it comes to Apple. It’s just a matter of finding daily excuses to not fix your clock.

Writing for the Financial Times, Tim Bradshaw declares “Apple bruised as iPhone sales disappoint” (tip o’ the antlers to Shawn King).

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The Macalope: Assumes facts not in evidence

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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You ever see one of those court dramas where the lawyer yells “Objection, your honor! Assumes facts not in evidence!” Well, don’t be surprised if you find yourself standing up and yelling that as you read this piece.

Writing for the Guardian Liberty Voice, Bernard O’Leary sums up the rumors which we should all just assume are true.

“Apple Ready to Cut Losses on Failed iPhone 5c” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody and please note that The Guardian Liberty Voice is not associated with Britain’s The Guardian).

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The Macalope Weekly: Perspective

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Remember that scene in Return of the Jedi where Obi-Wan says “Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” Remember how he just glossed over the fact that he told Luke that Darth Vader “betrayed and murdered” his father?

Yeah, sorry, Obi-Wan, but you can’t Jedi mind-trick away objective truth. Not that these pundits know that. As far as they’re concerned, perspective is all that matters, and from where they’re standing Apple (and only Apple) is doomed, others will magically succeed where it has failed, and people who buy Apple products are dopes who spend too much.

Doom is a one-way street

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The Macalope: The prediction of the Beast

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Yes, two out of two Forbes contributors (disclaimer: not actually contributing anything) declare 2014 the year Apple better introduce a phablet or … uh … well, something bad will happen! Mark their words!

Haydn Shaughnessy says: “Apple, Move Into Phablets Or Lose Out To Windows” (no links for Forbes).

Having created the tablet market with the iPad, Apple has been woefully slow into Phablets.

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The Macalope: Apple doom enters 37th consecutive year

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Turn out this whole Google-buying-Nest thing is really indicative of how badly Apple’s falled. What a shocker that is.

Writing for ZDNet, Jason O’Grady proclaims:

“Apple: Same dog food, reheated” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

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The Macalope Weekly: Disclaimers

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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As you may have heard, Google scooped up Nest this week for $3.2 billion, but what’s important to pundits is what that says about how doomed Apple is. Naturally. Their publications would, however, like you to know that their opinions are their own.

Please.

We hardly even know these guys.

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