The Macalope: Satire is dead

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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You guys are going to love this because someone has written a pitch-perfect satire of your average Business Insider piece.

Jim Edwards writes “Android Kicked iPhone’s Butt At CES, And Apple Ought To Worry About Becoming the BlackBerry of 2014” (tip o’ the antlers to Wes Kroesbergen).

So. Funny. First off, it would be just like Business Insider to try to figure out a way to jam something about Apple into a trade show the company doesn’t attend. Hysterical. Second, a comparison to BlackBerry? Standing ovation. We’re just two weeks into the year, but this could be the best satire of 2014 because …

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The Macalope Weekly: Magical thinking

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Phablets are still in the minority, but Apple must make one! Microsoft’s CEO search continues, but don’t worry—it’ll find its magical candidate some day soon and all will be well. Besides, everyone loves Microsoft.

Phablet or bust

Writing for the Motley Fool, Sam Mattera jumps on the burgeoning “APPLE MUST MAKE A PHABLET THIS YEAR OR DIE” bandwagon.

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The Macalope: False alarm

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Hey, it’s our first overblown freakout of the year! At TechRadar, Gareth Beavis lays down the law.

“Apple: make an iPhad or get ready to iPhail” (tip o’ the antlers to Shawn King).

You …

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The Macalope: One guy

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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The Macalope managed to sneak in the first column of the year last week, but now he is literally (by which he means figuratively) in 2014’s elevator, pushing the up button. So let us in fact get this party started.

And it isn’t a party until someone says Apple’s future looks troubled.

Writing for the International Business Times, Reissa Su tells us “Apple Inc Stock Receives Wells Fargo Downgrade; Others Maintain Buy Rating as Apple Enters ‘Year of Innovation’” (tip o’ the antlers to Kontra).

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The Macalope: Acquiring minds

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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It’s 2014, so it’s high time we fixed Apple, don’t you think?

Writing for USA Today, Alistair Barr declares “2014: Apple’s crunch year to prove innovation chops.”

Well, OK, Tim Cook has had his say and it does seem like 2014 would be a good time to introduce a completely new product line, so this isn’t completely …

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The Macalope: Jerkwatch

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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What’s the big takeaway from 2013? Well, it has to be that Samsung has ushered us into the era of the smartwatch, right? The creepy, weirdo era of the smartwatch.

So, hopefully you’ve digested your holiday cheer, because if you watch this watch ad you may technicolor cheer. The Macalope will provide a synopsis, to spare you from having to rub mistletoe in your eyes. Two guys are on a ski lift with an attractive blonde woman between them. One is an oaf (who is inexplicably carrying his skis), fumbling with his smartphone while the other is suavely making time with the “pretty lady” (he actually calls her that) through the power of the Galaxy Gear smartwatch.

Really.

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The Macalope: Just do something, anything!

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
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Maybe it’s sour grapes, but the Macalope is continually astounded at how BlackBerry and Microsoft get rewarded for the tiniest little things.

“BlackBerry soars after hiring Foxconn to produce smartphones”

BlackBerry did something! Hurray! Have a higher valuation for doing something!

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