Things we know for sure: The thoughts of Steve Jobs are not in this set

Can you believe it? It’s 2015 and people are still writing “Steve Jobs would never” on their checks.

“7 things Steve Jobs would have hated about Apple today” (indirect link)

Inexplicably, some still pretend to know what Steve Jobs would think about things. No, they will never stop. But, to be fair, Cult of Mac knows Steve Jobs would have hated these things because [clown horn] honk-honk [slide whistle] doooooooooooop [very long seltzer spray] pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssht

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Regrets, I've had a few: A case of opinion overload

The Macalope took a well-earned day off this week and what do you people do? You blow up the Internet. Not with butts, but with an “Apple fan” criticizing Apple.

“Apple has lost the functional high ground“

That’s “controversial iOS developer” (turns out if you are successful at what you do and have opinions about things like coffee and headphones you’re “controversial”) Marco Arment decrying what he perceives as a slide in Apple’s software quality.

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Peeling an onion: Phony iPhone 6 doom starts a chain reaction

2014 is over, but the Macalope is still cleaning up the mess from the crappiest New Year’s Eve party ever. Because as 2014 wound down, tech sites got wound up about some survey results.

“Here’s Proof That Samsung Owners Are Happier With Their Phones Than iPhone Owners” (indirect link and tip o’ the antlers to mylestaylor)

Business Insider‘s Julie Bort knows the score: It’s Samsung a billion and Apple zero. Or, well, 81 to 79, according to the American Customer Satisfaction Index.

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The problem factory: Where Apple problems get manufactured

We’re close to the end of yet another year, but take heart! Some silly pundits made progress this year! Take Business Insider’s Jay Yarow, for example, who no longer believes market share is a problem for Apple. No, he just believes the perception of market share is a problem for Apple. OK, it’s pretty minimal progress but still...

“Apple Executives Apparently Think The Data Used To Measure Smartphone Market Share Is Garbage” (indirect link and a tip o’ the antlers to Steve Boothe)

Actually, what Apple says is “off the mark,” but you can’t write a Business Insider headline without BLAZZLEFROZZLE.

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