iOS

Measure twice: Then pick whichever measure makes Apple look worse

Would you be surprised to learn that while Apple is still tops in one measure, it is no longer tops in another, less meaningful measure?! Shocking, but true!

The Financial Times warns of “Another bite taken out of Apple’s status.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

Another. Because there have been so many, you see. So many dainty, dainty bites. What is this, a cotillion? Dig in, Miss Amelia Farnsworth of the Charleston Farnsworths.

Read more »

0

Overdoing it: All Apple criticism has to be over-the-top

Welcome to the world of tech writing where the motto is “Go big or go home or just light something on fire and dump it onto the Information Superhighway before speeding off in your car and never looking back.”

Writing for TechnoBuffalo (which is a tech site and not an over-achieving bovine), Brandon Russell asks “What happened to Apple’s “pro” devices – Has Apple lost the magic?” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

Despite products like the Apple Watch, MacBook, and iPad Pro, 2015 could be considered an “off” year for Apple.

Read more »

0

iOS

The Eeyore testing principle: It’ll never work

It’s gonna be a long nine months until the iPhone 7 comes out and we see what’s up with the audio situation. In the meantime, please enjoy some pointless speculation.

Writing for the fine people and editors and ad sales people and blood-soaked were-beasts and aliens from They Live! over at Business Insider, Antonio Villas-Boas suggests “This is what it'll be like using headphones when Apple kills the headphone jack.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Brian.)

Which, let’s face it, is a pretty neat trick considering no one has any idea what the iPhone 7 will look like or what headphones will come with it. Seems like it’s almost an impossible trick. Surely, however, we will be pleasantly surprised by the care and rigor with which OW, THE MACALOPE PULLED HIS SARCASM MUSCLE.

Read more »

4

iOS

Unmoving violation: Apple car puns run amok

For the biggest technology company in the world with an unrivaled executive team and a metric butt-ton of cash, pundits sure do seem convinced lil’ ol’ Apple can’t do anything.

Writing for the Boston Herald, Jessica Van Sack should have her license taken away as a repeat offender.

“Apple veers out of its lane: iCar could crash and burn.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Nathan Hillery.)

Read more »

10

iOS

Jack squat: What iPhone 7 headphone rumors are based on

Hey, who wants opinions on Apple ditching the headphone jack in the next iPhone?!

What? No one? Eesh. Well, the next 9 months are gonna be a little uncomfortable for you, then.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and Kylo Ren school of emotional maturity, Erik Kain complains that “Apple Ditching The Headphone Jack Could Be Bad For Consumers.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Grant Winkler.)

Read more »

12