The Macalope Weekly: No admission

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
More by

This week will start off with some suggestions that Apple’s doomed and then we’ll get into the outright admissions that Apple’s doomed! Yes, straight from Apple’s own mouth!

Wellll, not really.

OK, not at all.

Read more »

23

The Macalope: Don't look back in anger or happiness

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
More by

Well, it was only a matter of time before someone published a piece saying Apple’s celebration of 30 years of the Mac spelled D-O-O-M, but the Macalope wasn’t really expecting it would be The New Yorker.

Writing for the magazine so venerable it can get away with un-ironically using a dude in a top hat with a freakin’ monocle as its logo, Yukari Iwatani Kane wonders “Why Is Apple Being So Nostalgic?”

Oh! Wait! The Macalope knows this one! Is it because the company’s run out of ideas and can only look backward now because, as we all know, only losers ever celebrate anniversaries? That’s probably it.

Read more »

23

The Macalope: Party like it's 1995

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
More by

Prepare for an argument that will shock and amaze you! One that will shake the pillars of your faith in Apple and your commitment to iOS as a platform.

Because according to Computing’s Graeme Burton—are you sitting down?—the battle between Android and iOS is just like the battle between Windows and the Mac.

I know, right?!

Read more »

21

The Macalope Weekly: The games we play

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
More by

Let’s face it, the world of technology coverage is often a charade. Those brash and yelly Wall Street people on TV are often just playing a role for dramatic effect. Reports of Apple’s quarterly results must be portrayed in the silliest light possible, or how will you get people to pay attention to you? And, as we’ve all learned, two things sell: sex and Apple. So make every story about Apple, whether it is or not.

I play one on TV

Yahoo Finance’s Jeff Macke is putting on his stern face and playing Apple curmudgeon because that’s what you do when you make Wall Street talking head videos.

Read more »

17

The Macalope: Miss-direction

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
More by

Apple had another record quarter, so you know what that means. Yes, it’s doom o’clock again!

Oh, let’s face it, it’s always doom o’clock when it comes to Apple. It’s just a matter of finding daily excuses to not fix your clock.

Writing for the Financial Times, Tim Bradshaw declares “Apple bruised as iPhone sales disappoint” (tip o’ the antlers to Shawn King).

Read more »

9

The Macalope: Assumes facts not in evidence

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
More by

You ever see one of those court dramas where the lawyer yells “Objection, your honor! Assumes facts not in evidence!” Well, don’t be surprised if you find yourself standing up and yelling that as you read this piece.

Writing for the Guardian Liberty Voice, Bernard O’Leary sums up the rumors which we should all just assume are true.

“Apple Ready to Cut Losses on Failed iPhone 5c” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody and please note that The Guardian Liberty Voice is not associated with Britain’s The Guardian).

Read more »

25

The Macalope Weekly: Perspective

The Macalope , Macworld

In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.
More by

Remember that scene in Return of the Jedi where Obi-Wan says “Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” Remember how he just glossed over the fact that he told Luke that Darth Vader “betrayed and murdered” his father?

Yeah, sorry, Obi-Wan, but you can’t Jedi mind-trick away objective truth. Not that these pundits know that. As far as they’re concerned, perspective is all that matters, and from where they’re standing Apple (and only Apple) is doomed, others will magically succeed where it has failed, and people who buy Apple products are dopes who spend too much.

Doom is a one-way street

Read more »

30