If the number on my column were in line with the corresponding OS 9, then this would be the shortest-lived column thus far. What I should really do is take all the time in column 9 to tell you about column 10 -- let's call it column X. Oh, how great column X will be! It might sport a new look. You may not want to lick column X, but you might want to print it out and hold it in your hand so you can say "I touched my version of column X."
Alas, we're still on column 9. Moving on...Lock Your Wheels
I have to make a personal plea to all of you: get wheel locks for your car! Over the weekend, I went down to my garage to find that someone had stolen one -- yes, one -- wheel and rim from my car. Not the hub cap, not the lug nuts, but the rim and tire, thus leaving my car leaning on its brake pad.
I did a little investigation on the web for a solution and found MrLugnut! This helpful little web site will help you get everything for your tires, including locking lug nuts. Check it out.Spring Cleaning?
Do backed-up sinuses have you reaching for the medicine? Sales people calling and asking to speak to the lady of the house, and you're a man? Fear not, all those with nasal problems -- Nori is here! It claims to get back your health, clear your nose and allow you to take deeper breaths! Wow! Simply fill Nori with salt water, insert it into your nose and voila! The water pours out the other nostril, along with all that nasty stuff clogging you up.
Pay particularly close attention to the smile on the Nori spokesmodel's face. It's unusually large considering she's got something pouring through her nose. I have only one thing to say about this: Look out Ron Popeil, here comes Nori!A Tangled Web of Self-Indulgence?
Okay, I admit, I have a web site. But it's not about my view, my pets, or my car. It started when I was working in radio, as a way for my fans (if I had any) to follow me up and down the dial. However, after a visit to Bowman.org, I think perhaps I took the wrong approach to wasting megabytes.
This "It's all about us, and how great we are" approach is, well, not very classy. On this self-promoting site, we learn about the Bowman's multiple homes, their multiple pets (there's a reason they're in the double-digits on animals), their cars and their travels -- both past and future.
My only question: if they're so great, why does their web site lack pizzazz? The site looks like something written in Microsoft Word and exported to HTML -- and bad HTML at that. At least include some multimedia elements, like "Our answering machine message" or "Our Wedding Song," to spice things up for us! And might I suggest some suggestive pictures? At least the site traffic would increase, and it would still be all about you!The Election Song
So the California primary election is finally over. People won, people lost, people got really upset about new laws coming in and old laws going out. Me, I'm ready to start taking signatures to place a new proposition on the ballot, the Put a Stop to Endless Proposition Ads Act: Make People Read and Research What They're Voting On. Can't wait to see the TV campaign for that!
In the meantime, take a moment to listen to the " Proposition Song." This year's California ballot was just a bit long, so someone sat down and wrote about it. Just don't go humming it in your local polling place; that's a federal offense that could have you locked up.
Which reminds me of a story about my life: When I first turned 18 and voted for the first time (it was a gubernatorial election year), I was chatting with a neighbor at the polls about the election we had at my high school. I was quickly warned, that talking like that is against the law. For the first time in my life, I shut up -- and did it almost as fast as a cat changes its mind.And In The End...
That's going to wrap things up for me this time. Just remember, you're never more than 19 clicks away from my column, no matter where you go on the Internet. Of course, that also means there's only 19 clicks between this column and pornography...
Hey! Stop that clicking! I know where you're going.