Remains of the Day: Nein means nein

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I have returned! Triumphant! Well, if you extend the definition of triumphant to include “with all extremities intact.” My colleague Lex Friedman filled in splendiferously in my absence, and no doubt left you all wanting more of his particular brand of remainders. Shame, then, that I have returned to retake my throne and condemned Mr. Friedman to a dark, dank oubliette. Metaphorically, anyway.

Apple complains about an iPod-inspired houseware product, shuts down iAd predecessor Quattro Wireless, and reassures iPhone 3G users that iPhone 4 will someday be usable. For real. It’s all in the remainders for Friday, August 20, 2010.

No Comment: Apple Germany says nein to eiPott (TUAW)

Say you want a plastic egg holder in the shape of an iPod, and you happen to live in Germany. Sie sind kein Glück, mein Freund.* Seems Apple Germany has put the kibosh on the product, thanks to its clever moniker, the eiPott. A court has asked the manufacturer to rename it to avoid confusion with the iPod and to redesign the iPod-inspired packaging. I suppose we can just add this to our list of “problems the Microsoft Zune never has.”

Apple to shutter Quattro Wireless (All Things D)

Apple acquired Quattro back in January and used its technology and personnel to help design its iAd network, so it’s not really a surprise that Quattro’s network is being shut down as of September 30. Remember, like matter, advertising can never be created or destroyed—only altered in form. Hence the terrifying post-apocalyptic future where all advertising exists as a gas.

Jobs: Software update to address iOS 4 performance issues on iPhone 3G ‘coming soon’ (Mac Rumors)

After last month’s fake Steve Jobs e-mail, I thought we’d never see another message from Ol’ Black Turtleneck himself. According to Mac Rumors though, Jobs has told one iPhone 3G user that a forthcoming software update will fix iOS 4 performance issues on the older handset. Its four word body—”Software update coming soon.”—certainly sounds like Jobs. Really, though, would it have killed him to add an emoticon?

* Google Translate informs me that this is German for “You’re out of luck, my friend” but I apologize for any insult I may have inadvertently offered your family.

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