Word has it Microsoft is rushing Windows 8 for an April 2012 release in order to fight the iPad. Oookay, seems like a good time to fight the iPad might have been, oh, last year instead of next year.
To get the inside scoop, it’s time for another chat with our friend the Winotaur.
MACALOPE: Did the Macalope read this right? You’re trying to speed up the release of Windows 8 for…uh…April, 2012, instead of late 2012?
WINOTAUR: Ohhh, yeah, you heard right. The game’s afoot! Or ahoof, as the case may be.
MACALOPE: What game is that?
WINOTAUR: The tablet game.
MACALOPE: Don’t you mean slate?
WINOTAUR: Uh… actually, I forget what we’re calling it this week.
MACALOPE: “iPad envy”?
WINOTAUR: As if. Our tablet’s not going to be some toy. It’ll run full versions of the applications.
MACALOPE: And super awesomely, the Macalope bets.
WINOTAUR: You know it. You just hook up your mouse and go. That’s a real computer, there, not some Etch-A-Sketch.
MACALOPE: Well, except inasmuch as the user experience will probably make people want to shake it. In that regard it’ll be just like an Etch-A-Sketch.
WINOTAUR: Oh, right. Look, people don’t want half an application. They want it all, baby.
MACALOPE: Even if it shortens their battery life? And they have to carry around a mouse? You guys have been trying to sell Windows on tablets for years. Turns out people don’t want tablets. They want iPads.
WINOTAUR: No, they want a full user experience where…
MACALOPE: Stop. Stop. Stop. No. You know what your problem is? You’re not even selling tablets. You’re selling Windows. Let’s say someone goes into a Microsoft store next year and sees your solution and asks what it is. What do you tell them?
WINOTAUR: That’s easy. It’s Windows 8 for tablets running on…
MACALOPE: STOP. See, someone walks into an Apple Store and what do they see? iPads. What is it? It’s an iPad. Does it hook up the same App Store I know from my iPod? Yes, it runs all those applications. Done. Boom. Here’s my $500. They walk into your store and they need a chart to explain it all to them.
WINOTAUR: Whatever, dude. You’ll see. You’ll be chewing your cud out of the other side of your mouth next April.
MACALOPE: That’s great. Rushed operating systems are the best. Hey, you know what you should do to make that tight deadline? You should throw some more bodies at it.
WINOTAUR: Oh, way ahead of you. Waaay ahead of you.
MACALOPE: Terrific. Best of luck to you. We’ll look forward to seeing it some time in 2013.
[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]