The Macalope Daily: Playing to his audience

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Hard as it may be to believe, sometimes people write dumb things about Apple for reasons other than to gin up hits from angry… well, angry us. Case in point, the Seattle Times’s Brier Dudley.

Price of corn dogs going up? Blame Steve Jobs (tip o’ the antlers to Daring Fireball)

Don’t be surprised if you walk into the corner minimart one day soon and find that the corn dogs cost $1.50, instead of 99 cents.

This will have nothing to do with spiraling health-care costs, fuel prices or the federal debt.

Blame Steve Jobs instead.

Aaaaand we’re off to the races.

Microsoft used to get grief for funneling all the profits of the computer industry to Redmond. Maybe that will happen again if Windows 8 and Nokia Windows phones soar. But now the vortex is in Cupertino, Calif.

Dudley lays out a fanciful scenario in which a minimart owner gets tricked into buying iPads for herself and her cashier, who then asks for a raise because Netflix raised their rates, which then causes the price of corn dogs to go up, which presumably causes the collapse of western civilization.

The Macalope liked this story better when it was called “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.” Because a mouse that wears overalls and helps clean the house was more believable.

Let’s help Dudley out and make another entry in the Macalope’s ongoing series entitled “Charitable Explanations for Silly Punditry!” Here we go:

Dudley is an alien who has just arrived from another planet and has no idea how our system of operations management works.

OK, possibly not the horny one’s best work in this series, but he’s having a hard time reconciling Dudley’s simultaneous claims that both prices and productivity will increase.

Fortunately, the new gadgets really will increase productivity and social engagement.

Kind of odd that one of the Seattle Times’s business columnists would know so little about, you know, business. Because if these gadgets are able to increase productivity, then the minimart owner would be able to sell more corn dogs with the existing number of cashiers. And salaries are a lot more expensive than iPads.

If she’s the kind of business owner who willy-nilly buys her cashiers iPads and gives them raises so they can watch Netflix, then she’ll just go out of business. A giant bank might have been a better example since they can do all kinds of stupid things and still stay in business.

Not surprisingly, Dudley is a repeat offender when it comes to saying dumb things about Apple. Unlike yesterday’s piece of trollery, the Macalope’s pretty sure that the Seattle Times doesn’t kick anything back to Dudley for the number of hits he gins up. No, Dudley just writes nonsense about Apple because he doesn’t care to be accurate about Apple. There’s probably little cost to him for writing something so absurd when the Times’s core demographic looks like this.

It’s the same reason newspapers still carry Marmaduke. it’s not to bring in anyone new, it’s just to keep the inmates happy.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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