The Macalope Daily: More sad than funny

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Sometimes you don’t have to see some survey results to know that something is true. It just feels right and explains a lot. Like the “news” that Internet Explorer users have the lowest I.Q.

This was forwarded by several people and, at first, the Macalope shied away from it. Why? Glad you asked, rhetorical construct.

By the way, have you all met Billy? Billy is the construct the Macalope employs to ask rhetorical questions or propose hypothetical scenarios.

Wave to the nice readers, Billy. That’s good. You can take your lunch break now.


No, the Macalope brown-bagged some alfalfa today. Thanks, though.

Aaaaaand there goes Billy.

Anyway, the Macalope originally shied away from this story for two reasons. First, online self-select surveys and companies that use inflammatory results to get attention give him hives. The Macalope’s not saying AptiQuant is doing that but, if they are, points to them for not ginning up some poll about how Mac users are elitist, snobbish, zealous Jobs worshippers, like everyone else seems to do. It is a little weird how the company’s press release is written in the third person, though. Who does that? The Macalope surely doesn’t know.

Second, and more importantly, some shots are almost too cheap, you know?

No, you don’t know?

Oh. Well, the Macalope must not know either, because here we are.

One thing the horny one hasn’t seen mentioned is what this survey says about Windows users versus Mac and Linux users, because there’s an obvious conclusion you can draw from the data. Internet Explorer isn’t available for the Mac (anymore) or Linux, so that means what? That, on average, Mac and Linux users are smarter than Windows users. Gotta be, right? Because the lower end of the scale is all on Windows.

Admittedly, these stats may have changed slightly since Mike Elgan became a Mac user.

The Macalope doesn’t really like to point and laugh at people who are legitimately less intelligent. What he likes do do is point and laugh at people who are otherwise intelligent but have a blind spot about Apple. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference…

So, before we all “Hur-hur, IE users is dumb!”, think about what causes this correlation. If you’re not that intelligent, chances are you don’t have a lot of money—so you’re probably inclined to buy a PC. Not because “Macs is more expensive!”, because, for comparable quality, they’re not—which is a trick answer because there is no comparable quality.

But PCs come with Internet Explorer pre-installed—maybe infested would be a better word. If you’re less intelligent, you’re probably less well-read and may not even know that other browsers are an option. So, it’s not that dumb people are somehow drawn, zombie-like, to Internet Explorer. Indeed, if that were the case, it might show that Internet Explorer is easier to use and, having used it, the Macalope can assure you that isn’t the case. No, it’s just that people who are less intelligent are less likely to know any better. Which, when you think about it, isn’t funny at all; it’s really kind of sad.

Not only are these people dumb and poor, but they trapped into using Windows and Internet Explorer. What a miserable life.

It’s somewhat tempting to say that this is evidence that Internet Explorer causes stupidity, kind of like lead in the pipes of the Internet, but you all remember what Steve Jobs’s browser of choice was, right?

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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