Hey, readers, remember that survey that showed that Internet Explorer users were less intelligent than users of other browsers? The Macalope sure hopes so because it was just two days ago. (If you don't remember, consult a neurologist soon. Get help.) Well, a funny thing happened on the way to all the lulz.
So, as painful as it might be, this mythical beast must now throw himself on his own antlers for what he wrote two days ago. Which is really quite a feat of physical contortion if you've never seen it. It can be quite gruesome. Children and pregnant women may want to stop reading.
Here we go. Hold the Macalope's beer.
Anyway, the Macalope originally shied away from this story for two reasons.
Oh, just two? Maybe there should have been a third, like, oh, the fact that it's not true. Next time, listen to those little voices in the back of your head. They're apparently smarter than the one in the front of it.
One thing the horny one hasn’t seen mentioned is what this survey says about Windows users versus Mac and Linux users, because there’s an obvious conclusion you can draw from the data. ... That, on average, Mac and Linux users are smarter than Windows users.
Translation: "I am a tremendous ass!" Your credulity here sure validates your conclusion, by the way. [eye roll]
Well, at least the Macalope's take -- that it was not funny but sad that all the dumb people were stuck using Internet Explorer -- was slightly different. And he did say that "online self-select surveys and companies that use inflammatory results to get attention give him hives."
Yeah, keep massaging your ego, you great Internet gasbag. Whatever you need to sleep at night.
You know, the Macalope is actually kind of enjoying this!
That's a little weird, isn't it?
Don't answer that, Billy.
Of course, there's no way of really knowing if this report that it was a fraud isn't also a fraud. Think about it. What do we really know about this "BBC" that investigated the story? Oh, sure, they've been around for 84 years, but what if that's all been an elaborate hoax leading up to this very moment? That might seem like a lot of work but maybe it just got out of hand. And, sure, the site that published the hoax confirmed it, too. But they could be part of the hoax, too. We just don't know.
From now on the Macalope's ending every column with a disclaimer that everything it's based on could be a lie. Just to be on the safe side.
Still, that part about Mac users being smarter...
We know that's true anyway, right? We don't need some fake survey to tell us *that*.
Better looking, too.