The Macalope Daily: The waiting is the hardest part

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If Windows enthusiasts and Google executives are to be believed, Apple’s really going to take it in the shorts six months from now. And, really, would those guys ever steer you wrong?

Google executive chairman Eric Schmidt apparently fancies himself the Oracle of Mountain View and has been huffing gases before emerging from his cave to make predictions. How else to explain his prognostication that, in six months, developers will start releasing for Android before iOS—without explaining how it would be remotely in their interest to do so? Mass insanity? The Macalope supposes it’s possible.

Of course, corporate executives will, from time to time, say ridiculous things that support the view that their company is awesome, and people just take it as marketing and move on. But Schmidt’s turned it into an art form.

Shortly thereafter he predicted that Google TV would be on a “majority” of new TVs by summer which, the Macalope’s charming and erudite readers will know, is about six months from now. That seems a little far-fetched, but the Macalope’s mother always told him two things: 1) always wear clean underwear in case you get attacked by a chimera and have to go the hospital and 2) never argue with crazy people.

Not content that these statements were enough, Schmidt then promised Google will ship a “tablet of the highest quality” in (all together now) the next six months.

Six months. Six months. Six months. What’s the real message here? Don’t buy our competitor’s products. All our ills will be cured in six months.

Over on the Microsoft front, Paul Thurrott wants to make sure everyone knows that Ultrabooks are going to be ultra awesome, way ultra-er awesomer than the MacBook Air (tip of the antlers to Harry Marks).

Of course, these new Ultrabooks will also have numerous advantages over Apple’s products, not the least of which is price. As with all PCs, Ultrabooks will be available in a range of price points, starting in the $600 range—about half the average selling price of a MacBook Air—and running up to a more Air-like $1,400 for high-end machines. But there’s more. Ultrabooks will also features ports (like USB 3.0) that Apple ignores, and more of them, not to mention simpler connectivity with different display types and, in some cases, ethernet networking. They’ll come in a variety of screen sizes, not just 11” and 13”.

And all you have to do is wait four months for the awesomeness to roll in. OK, there’ll probably also be some initial kinks to work out. The first devices are going to be a little rough around the edges. Possibly literally. Sure, some careless people may get cut. But the important message here is FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T BUY A MACBOOK AIR.

The Macalope’s said it before, but it never ceases to amaze him how future products from Apple’s competitors always beat currently shipping Apple products. Makes you wonder why Apple even bothers!

[Editors’ Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week’s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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