The Macalope Daily: A baffling amount of dumb

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The Macalope has been covering the loose art of silly punditry for a long time now, and he still doesn’t get it. It is undeniable that some of these people are simply yanking our chain for clicks, and don’t care that their names are attached to some of the most absurd excuses for “analysis” that you can imagine. But is that really their only motivation, or do they actually believe this crap?

It’s a mystery.

The Macalope knows he just subjected you to a Mike Elgantastrophy a couple of weeks ago, and the Surgeon General has recommended you not take Mike Elgan more than once a month. But hey, it’s March, so we’re just going to wade in here.

Rise of the Extreme iPhone-Killer Super-Phones! (Tip o’ the antlers to Harry Marks.)

The current crop of iPhone killers failed to kill the Apple iPhone.

Really? That’s your lede? It doesn’t even make sense. See, they can’t be iPhone killers if they didn’t actually kill the iPhone. The Macalope supposes that now that they’re extreme iPhone killers we’re supposed to believe they’re really going to kill the iPhone. Has the word “extreme” ever lied to you?

Until right now?

Maybe the third time will be the charm, when they return as “extreme iPhone killers to the max.”

Many of the iPhone’s competitors are really great phones with incredible screens, amazing cameras, powerful processors and advanced user interfaces. On most specs, the iPhone has been bested by several competitors. But still the iPhone reigns supreme in the market.

The man who just wrote that will now go on to tell us how these new specs will totally kill the iPhone. It’s like Groundhog Day with these people.

Don’t look now, but the competition is getting ready to hit Apple’s super-villain iPhone with something akin to the X Men or the Avengers—a group of mutant super-phones with unprecedented powers and capabilities that vastly exceed anything that has ever been put into any phone ever.

The iPhone, on the other hand, is exactly the same as it was when introduced five years ago. The End.

Elgan goes on to describe phones with killer cameras and killer screen sizes and other killer features like acting as a projector for slide decks and, no, the Macalope’s not making that up. Surely the iPhone is dead. Again.

The iPhone is a mainstream, mass-market phone. And the extreme super-phones are niche products for people with specific needs or obsessions. But together, the new generation of extreme super-phones will be very hard for the iPhone to compete with all by itself.

No, Mike. No, it actually will not.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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