The Macalope Daily: Under pressure

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The Macalope’s not saying that there wasn’t some real pressure that prompted this piece at Forbes, but he wonders if it wasn’t more about Parmy Olson’s deadline than about anything Apple might be feeling.

Apple Under Pressure As Samsung Preps Foldable Screens For 2012 (Tip o’ the antlers to Lessien.)

Apple was the elephant in the room. It refused to exhibit, even though its iPhone and iPad were top-selling devices.

Where by “even though” you mean “because.”

But both Apple and its competitors may be under pressure to leap to the next level of hardware in 2012, and not just by being more slim or more shiny.

Oh, now Apple “may” be under pressure. This isn’t going to be one of those articles where you do an about face at the end and tell us that Apple’s not really under any pressure at all, is it?

(It’s not, actually. She sticks with this argument through the whole thing. The Macalope’s not sure if that’s better or worse.)

Samsung is using its plastic-backed AMOLED devices to make phones that are lighter, thinner and include “foldable screens,” according to Richard Windsor, a senior technology analyst at Nomura Group.

Because if there’s one thing people want it’s foldable phones.

Well, too bad, yearning masses, crying out for freedom from rigid, unbendable phones! You won’t be able to truly fold your phone until 2013. Also, affordable jet-packs and hovercars are still a ways off as well.

The analysts added in a recent note that the first example of this technology would not be in a smartphone screen that folded in half (though that may come later in 2013 in a clam-shell like device), but in a screen that folded over the edges of a phone, replacing the usual screen border or “bezel” so that the display continued onto the sides (see image above).

Go ahead and click through and see the image. The ancient Greeks once kept knowledge of the existence of the dodecahedron from the general public for fear it was too dangerous. The Macalope believes the South Koreans should have kept knowledge of this side screen technology from the public because it’s too stupid.

He can actually see an application for a foldable phone, but phones with screens on their edges strike the horny one as just as gimmicky as, oh, phones with 3D screens and projectors. In other words, the kind of crap they’re pushing right now.

Page 2: Why Apple is feeling the heat.

The Macalope was sorely disappointed to see that the next page did not autoplay “The Heat Is On” (YouTube video) like a janked-up MySpace page. By the way, you should click through to that YouTube video because the haircut on that saxophone player is as incomprehensible as a cell phone with a wrap-around screen.

The introduction of folding screens could put pressure on Apple…

Really with this? This is actually your argument? Foldable screen? Oookay.

…which Nomura’s Windsor said had “fallen behind somewhat” in the hardware race.

Where by “hardware race” they mean “stupid phone tricks race.”

Last year many industry watchers expected Apple’s iPhone 4S to take on a new teardrop-like shape, but the company instead launched a phone with the same squarish shape of the iPhone 4, adding processor power and software features like Siri.

And nobody bought it. The End.

…Samsung is not shy of introducing completely new form factors.

Where by “not shy of” you mean “is addicted to, whether it makes sense or not, and probably needs an intervention for.”

Its Galaxy Note, for example, is a 5.3-inch smartphone that’s been understandably mocked for its large size, but still represents innovative hardware.

Marvel if you will, dear readers, at a sentence that lauds bringing to market products that few people want and then remember that Forbes touts itself as “Information for the World’s Business Leaders.”

Olson holds the Galaxy Note up as a shining example of the kind of pressure Apple must surely be feeling, because “Samsung has sold 2 million units since October…”

Apple, meanwhile, only sold 37 million iPhones last quarter.

Whew. They surely must be cracking under this terrible pressure.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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