The Macalope Daily: Denial

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Apple announced some kind of stock thingy on Monday, but who really cares about that? No, the big game was trying to get Tim Cook to spill the beans about upcoming products.

SPOILER ALERT: Tim Cook does not spill the beans.

Well, OK, fine, Mr. Secretive, but can’t you give us something to work with? This relentless coverage and insipid analysis of your company’s every minute movement isn’t going to write itself, you know.

Unless you’ve made some kind of application that could do that, which would be a real help, by the way.

Tim was sadly mum on details of the 15-inch MacBook Air, the iTV, and the other thing with the lasers and teleportation technology. All he would say was:

“I am extremely confident in our future. The pipeline is full of stuff.”

Well, pardon the Macalope for disputing the head of the biggest company in the history of ever, but the horny one is pretty sure that he’s heard that since Steve Jobs died Apple done run out of ideas, that you can’t execute, and that Apple is unravelling at the seams.

So, say what you will, Mr. Cook, but we know otherwise.

Oh, sure, you may trot out something that your devout acolytes (which we here define as anyone who buys your products) will buy, but let’s face it: We all know it’s just a matter of time before your company closes up shop.

Time on a possibly geologic or maybe cosmic scale, but time nonetheless.

“I think customers are going to be incredibly pleased with what they see coming out,” Cook said.

Please! Sir! The Macalope must ask that you stop embarrassing yourself further! It’s clear that you’re no Steve Jobs and your constant protestations to the contrary are getting tiresome!

Good day to you, sir.

The Macalope said “Good day!”

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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