The Macalope Daily: Two tempests, one teacup

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It’s time to work your moral indignation into a froth, because Apple is once again the worst thing on the face of the Earth, including Hitler and Satan and the cast of Jersey Shore.

Why are people so upset at our favorite fruit-themed company this time? Well, many things, but let’s take a look at two.

“Fury at Apple’s ‘rip-off’ plan to make ALL iPhone accessories obsolete by changing design of socket”

That’s right, according to the Daily Mail, people are furious over Apple ripping them off by making ALL iPhone accessories obsolete! ALL OF THEM!

Well, except ones that plug into the headphone jack. Or Bluetooth accessories. Also, it’s only a rumored change, which may or may not happen. And it’s always possible the company will ship a cheap adapter, as they did for the MagSafe 2.

But, other than that, ALL accessories will be obsolete once the next iPhone ships!

The Macalope likes how the Mail doubles down on the claim in the caption of the purported picture of the new port.

This picture is believed to show a prototype case for the new iPhone (right), with its new connector design which is set to make every existing accessory completely obsolete

Every. Existing. Accessory.

And, apparently, Apple is issuing a software update that will turn the 30-pin port on existing iPhones into 19-pin ports. Or something.

Any-way, that’s not the only thing that Apple has done which proves it’s worse than scabies, Pol Pot, and a third thing that’s even more horrible.

Apparently, Apple also (are you sitting down?) with full malice aforethought … employs retail staff. The Week has the horrible scoop on the five ways Apple indoctrinates the people who work in Apple Stores, via a “training program.” You know who else trained people and gave them special colored shirts to wear, right? Of course you do. (The guy who founded Sbarro’s.)

Ah, Sbarro’s! That was the third thing.

The Week’s list is laughable, but the most laughable of the five is “Employees aren’t allowed to speak to the media,” as if a rational company would let its retail employees speak for it.

This is all very amusing, but the Macalope wants to know what happened to putting “-gate” after an Apple scandal? It’s like these people aren’t even trying anymore.

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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