The Macalope Daily: Treadmill

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The Macalope hates to harp on …

Wait, wait, let’s just stop right there, because we know that’s not true. You know it, the Macalope knows it, and crazy Larry who yells political statements at the Red Box outside of Bartells knows it.

What the horny one was going to say is that he hates to harp on the rantings of one John C. Dvorak, but what he really means is he knows that some readers are bored with reading about Dvorak’s crazy bananas theory of the week. Or, in this case, his theory last week, which has stuck in the Macalope’s craw like last year’s salt lick.

Seriously, would it kill Macworld to put out a new salt lick? This one hasn’t tasted the same since Jim Dalrymple used it. Tastes like stale Heineken and beard hair.

Anyway, the terms of his contract with Macworld are not really salient to the point that the Macalope’s trying to make, which is that John Dvorak is nuttier than a catering company run by squirrels.

On Saturday, the Macalope lamented the ludicrous nature of Dvorak suggesting that Apple needs to switch to a quarterly release schedule for iPhones. (And while Dvorak didn’t come out and say it, he probably thinks the company should do the same for iPads and MacBooks and iMacs and iPod socks.)

The Macalope sarcastically noted how going from one iPhone release to four might be a bit of a stretch on Apple’s capacity, but reading a piece today by Matt Buchanan, he realized it’s more than that.

The problem with Android devices is that the next one’s always just around the corner. Buchanan’s point is more that the one really good one is always just around the corner, and if you just hang on then Godot will deliver it right to you on your park bench.

But the fact is, there’s always another Android device coming soon. Why, in the amount of time it took for you to read this far into this column, no fewer than 7,569 Android phones were introduced. (Not an actual statistic, void where fake statistics are prohibited.)

With Android, you can look at what’s available and say, “Oh, that one wasn’t quite what I was hoping for. Maybe I’ll wait another three months for the one that has 3D or a 6-inch screen or comes in pink or makes its own blender mayonnaise.” And maybe that’s great for Android customers. Maybe not. But it’s not really good business advice to the company that makes distinctive phones that last and which don’t have to compete on the feature du jour.

Yeah, yeah, the Macalope just pretended John Dvorak was trying to hand out good business advice. Maybe he should just go lie down.

[Editor’s Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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