The Macalope Daily: Beat it

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The Macalope really isn’t sure where Forbes is getting the collection of fopdoodles, jackanapes, and hornswogglers it uses to gin up hits from angry Apple fans, but throw Panos Mourdoukoutas on their bonfire of the banalities.

“Why Google’s Nexus 7 And Microsoft’s Surface Tablets Will Beat The iPad”

A war is raging in the tablet industry.

Sort of like when the United States went to “war” with Grenada. Only one of the purported combatants hasn’t even taken to the field of battle yet.

But, out of the three tablets which one will come out on top?

A question, the Macalope notices, Mourdoukoutas doesn’t try to answer. The Macalope’s not sure why he asked it in the first place, but declining to answer it was probably the smartest move, given the title of the piece. It’d look a little silly to say “the iPad” at this point.

To compare the hardware specs of each of these four tablets wouldn’t necessarily be fair…

But let’s do it anyway!

…as the Google Nexus 7 is priced substantially lower than the iPad and the Surface tablets (rumored to be around the same price point as the iPad).

That link goes to piece titled “Microsoft Surface tablet may cost $599, have Wi-Fi only.” No one knows what the Surface will be priced at. But with iPads starting at two hundred dollars less than that, it’s going to be hard for them to “beat the iPad.”

Hang on, though, because Mourdoukoutas is going to move the goal posts for “beating” the iPad.

With its Windows 8/RT operating systems, Office Suite and built-in keyboard, the Microsoft Surface has bridged the gap between laptop and tablet, appealing to users who seek the full functionality of a laptop rather than a smartphone in a tablet.

Um, you know Microsoft hasn’t sold even one of these things yet, right? So, the idea that they appeal to anyone is at best a supposition. At worst it’s a sweaty, fevered dream of Steve Ballmer.

Google, on the other hand, targeted the market for 7″ tablets and enticed consumers with a significantly lower price point than the iPad. What does this mean for investors? Microsoft and Google should be able to take away market share in the tablet industry from Apple.

So, all they have to do is “take away market share” to be considered “beating” the iPad. Got it.

All of this, of course, assumes Apple will just stand still while Google and Microsoft release new products. Rumors of the Surface’s price point factor into Mourdoukoutas’s analysis, but rumors of a smaller and less expensive iPad do not. The Macalope’s been saying this for years, but it’s always amazing how future Microsoft products beat current Apple products time and time again, isn’t it?

[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]

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