Now, let’s be clear: Tim’s not hurting. Tim’s not switching from Cap’n Crunch to Western Family Generic Ship Captain Mouth-Cutting Breakfast Product. He’s still going to be making about $49 million, but that’s down from his $84 million take-home in 2022. Which he did take home and still has stuffed under his mattress. (It’s a huge mattress.)
Still, he’s just like you and me. He gets lowered into his pants every morning by a gold-plated Rube Goldberg machine, two legs at a time.
You don’t put your pants on that way? Huh.
It’s worth noting that this dramatic pay cut isn’t specifically being done to keep from having to lay anyone off, although $50 million could save thousands of jobs. No, it comes at the suggestion of shareholders, who simply seemed to think Cook was making too much. These are the same people who are probably wondering why Apple doesn’t also cut some of that dead weight. You know, the people who are doing all the coding and product development and stuff, that stupid junk.
Indeed, many of the companies that did cut heavily were rewarded with spikes in their share prices after the announcements, despite the fact that the research seems to indicate large layoffs do more damage than they’re worth. Unless, of course, your goal is to temporarily pump up your stock options. Then it works a treat.
Regardless of the reasons, it’s nice to see Apple does right by its employees by enacting executive pay cuts and not staging layoffs. Still, the Macalope can’t help but hope the company will someday decide it wants to be a triple threat and change its tune on unions.