Tangerine Travels #4: What you talkin’ about, WWWillis?
By Brett Larson
I’m glad I was never a child star. After all, what do you do when you’re grown up–and no longer cute?
The Rise and Fall of a Child Star
Gary Coleman, Star of ’80s sitcom
, is answering that question, and the whole world can get in on it. Enter the
Gary Coleman Webathon.
On this web site we find that cute little Arnold–who now looks like 35-year-old little Arnold–is out of cash, and selling everything to raise money and pay off his debt. Apparently, Hollywood doesn’t have a need for his acting skills, and we all know a
out of the question.
I laughed so hard that my sides hurt. Top items include a series of fake Gary Coleman Auditions in RealAudio format, and a hip-hop
theme song. I played that one at my desk (with my subwoofer turned all the way up), and got complaints from throughout the
“The site also includes a RealAudio interview section where Gary answers the hard questions: How did he lose all his money? Did he have a drug problem? What about the loss of Dana Plato?”
There’s also Colémon, a Pokémon-like game that will have you howling with laughter, Gary Grooves (you remember the Dancing Baby? This is Dancing Gary) and 976-GARY, which features Gary talking dirty.
All this is yours for
, unless you feel inclined to visit the Auction house to buy, say, the shirt off his back. Be careful; you could spend all day here.
Gratuitous Use of Flash
From our friends at
comes this recommendation: the Flash-based preview site for the football-themed Al Pacino flick ”
Any Given Sunday.” If you can, turn up the bass as loud as you can get it to go on your machine.
But you know, I just can’t see Al playing the part of a coach. Not unless the owner of the team is Satan or a Mafia godfather or something. Now
¿Yo Quiero Traffic School?
This next link came to me via e-mail from my editor here at
. But I can’t deny you the pleasure of enjoying a fine Salon.com article titled, quite simply, ”
” The story is great, moreso if it’s true. But as a registered driver in San Francisco, I’ve got to say that I’m a little frightened.
Fair warning: The above link is rated R for language.
Believe It… Or Not
Remember that show from the ’80s,
Ripley’s Believe it or Not?
It was sort of like
America’s Funniest Home Videos,
except with Jack Palance instead of Bob Saget. And it was a lot creepier. But I digress.
Now you can visit the
Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! museum
on the Web. Sadly, the content on the site is far less exciting then anything ever seen on the show; but you’ll still get to see a man with nails in his head, a papier-mâché Last Supper, and a man who can bend his legs in opposite directions.
Sweet, sweet memories.
Office 2000 – Now Y2K Compliant?
An e-mail from a reader tipped me off to a rather humorous site:
Is this site from Microsoft? Au contraire, mon frére! This is an office system guaranteed to survive even the most aggressive incursions of the Y2K bug. Just remember to stock a few extra ribbons and some correction paper!
Crank up the Bass, Baby
I admit, I’m a closet Barry White fan. I have his CD’s. If I hear a song of his on the radio in the car, I’ll turn it up and dance.
One time it almost resulted in a car accident, but what can you do?
Now I can take care of my Barry habit on the internet, at the
Barry White page. I recently had the pleasure of scaring the living bejeezus out of a co-worker by loading this page with the volume turned all the way up.
Anyone getting the idea that I’m causing trouble here at the
offices? But I’m doing it for you, dear readers.
More TV! More!
Last week I had the unfortunate luck of being sick. Due to my illness, I spent an entire day at home, in bed, watching TV.
I settled for the traditional cure-all for the sick: chicken soup, the Superstation, and
The Brady Bunch
Fans, this site is a true find: sound clips, video clips, photos of the Brady house, maps to the Brady house, and–my favorite–clips from the one-season-long
Brady Kids Variety Hour!
So for a little Brady pick-me-up, head to a land where the bathroom is never used and Dad always has good advice to give.
On that note, I need to head back to my secure connection with E-Something-or-Other-dot-com. I’ll get free shipping for my holiday gifts if I order today! While I’m doing that, keep yourself entertained with the
Good luck to you with your online shopping this year, and, as always, happy surfing!
Brett Larson creates interactive children’s CD-ROM titles in his free time. Titles include “Timmy Works in a Sweat Shop for Kathie Lee Gifford” and “Mommy Said No–So Let’s Find Daddy!” You can send your Web site submissions to
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