Christmas comes and Christmas goes, but Mac users wish lists seem to stay the same. Since what we all really want for Christmas is a dual processor G4 with a Cinema Display, Photoshop 6, Dreamweaver 4, and DSL (and perhaps a pet rhesus monkey to come turn it on and work the mouse for us), we at Macworld compiled a form letter to save you time and effort in messaging the big guy with the flying reindeer.
Simply click through the choices below and send the printed results to the North Pole. By December 25th, you’ll be hip-deep in holiday goodies . . . guaranteed!
NOTE: Mac Publishing LLC does not actually guarantee the arrival of presents. Actually sending letter may result in individuals receiving lumps of coal in lieu of presents. Please consult the North Pole for lists of who’s naughty and who’s nice before proceeding with letter.
This Christmas Chanukah Kwanzaa Winter Solstice Fiscal Quarter , I would like a G4 Cube my old Sherlock interface back a mint condition set of Jobs & Woz action figures control of the Internet the pets.com sock puppet my stocks to be worth more than my socks again .
I don’t think this is too much to ask, as I have been very good all year long been a loyal Mac consumer even during the Amelio years refrained from downloading porn from the Internet since Thanksgiving identified and reported 634 bugs in the OS X public beta only phoned in that one bomb threat .
Although, as we both know, I spent much of the year 2000 bootlegging music on Napster bootlegging software on Hotline bootlegging DVD’s on Scour selling human organs on eBay pretending to be Cindy Margolis in an AOL chatroom , and it was probably wrong of me to post those rumors about Apple’s impending bankruptcy filing intentionally starve my Sims to death make my friends watch iMovies of my trip to Lake Havasu chant “Burn the Witch!” during Steve Jobs’ Macworld keynote take that elf of yours hostage last August , I feel that I made up for that behavior by donating my old Mac to an orphanage writing a new spreadsheet program for the Newton posting scores of giddy OS X threads on Slashdot building a virtual shrine to Lara Croft adopting a kitty thus bringing joy and hope to children Newton owners Linux programmers people who should get out of the house more the aforementioned kitty all across the world the Apple campus the greater Cupertino area my room my admittedly limited circle of online Role Playing Game friends .
Of course, I can understand if my online shenanigans my appalling lack of netiquette my stunning beauty my mass spam e-mailing of get-rich-quick schemes that little online stalking incident prohibits you from awarding me my first choice of presents. But I know you have a generous heart the way to San Jose where you live, Tubby where you stash the booze , so maybe you could you’d better at least give me something that would benefit everyone: No more Jeff Goldblum sightings in Apple commercials a processor speed that won’t make the Wintel users laugh the Microsoft Windows source code an Aqua interface for Palm Beach’s ballots Woz
Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, All the best, I’m watching you, h4ck 7H3 pl4N37,
A Good Friend Tommy, Age 6 Bill Clinton Steve Jobs Cindy Margolis