Crash the Crib is a game for iPhone and iPod Touch that capitalizes on America’s fascination of— and hatred for— celebrities and reality TV. Every word, pun and joke in this app is intended for people who hate Hollywood, Beverly Hills and Malibu. Yet despite the ridicule, Red Rocket Games’ game is just as obsessed with the celebrities as the culture it seems to mock. While not high satire, Crash the Crib is still a fun distraction with an interesting concept.
The concept behind the game is that you have a giant trebuchet that you can use to throw junk at celebrity mansions and compounds. You try to catapult your goods at the right angle to destroy as much of the house’s furniture as possible as well as kill the faux-celebrities and their body guards. The variety of the objects that you can attach to your trebuchet adds a pretty humorous angle. You begin by tossing tomatoes and paparazzi cameras at celebrity walls, but pretty quickly move on to tied-up celebrity groupies and lawyers that fly through the air and land on the celebrity roofs with a satisfying thud and bounce. The real crowd pleasers are Chuck Norris (called Chaz in the game, probably for legal reasons, although you’d think he’d be in the public domain from overuse at this point) and a big red car that can crash through walls and crush blonde-locked wannabees in a single blow.
The gameplay is extremely simple. Tap the screen once to get the trebuchet swinging and tap again to have it release. The screen then zooms back to show your object fly high into the air and come crashing down on the celebrities. For some reason, the developer had a hard time figuring out a good way to fit everything onto the screen, so it’s hard to plan your angle ahead of time and there are many points in the game when you’re not exactly sure what’s going on off-screen, but then again, that’s how Hollywood is too, right?
Crash the Crib Offers you a journey from Hollywood to Malibu to Beverly Hills, with a kind of rudimentary story-line told through newspaper headlines that contain lots of poorly executed puns and references to a mysterious “Crib Crasher.” Each level offers a different challenge as to how to collapse the house on the celebrity, and later rounds have steel beams that not even Chuck Norris can kick through (pretty unrealistic, I know).
It’s unclear whether the game was intended to look poorly designed, but the characters look like bad South Park impersonations and the “cribs” are actually just a few free standing beams probably drawn using MS Paint. Despite these graphic drawbacks, Crash the Crib will satisfy your penchant for destruction and murder of famous people and their homes… without landing you in prison. At the generous price of $1, Crash the Crib is a good-time waster and a great way to express your hatred for all things Hollywood.
[Bryan Schell can’t imagine why his celebrity crushes won’t return his calls.]