There are just hours to go until Apple unveils the iPhone 15, Apple Watch Series 9, and whatever else it’s got up its sleeve. (Here’s how to watch the Wonderlust event.) But if you’re not working to cover all of the announcements like the Macworld team, you’re probably looking for an excuse to pack in a load of booze while the new products land. What can I say? You’re welcome.
(Like our “preview” from a few days ago, this is meant to be funny rather than serious. Please don’t send yourselves to the hospital. And feel free to play along with a non-alcoholic beverage.)
- Big rainbow sign at Apple Park: DRINK
- “Good morning”: DRINK
- “Enrich people’s lives”: DRINK
- “Hardware and software”: DRINK
- “Software and hardware”: KNIRD
- Letter from a satisfied customer: DRINK
- Harrowing recreation of near-death experience: TELL YOUR KIDS YOU LOVE THEM
- Jon Hamm: DRINK
- Reece Witherspoon: DRINK
- Unidentifiable influencer from TikTok or whatever: FEEL OLD
- Male presenter: DRINK
- Female presenter: DRINK 16 PERCENT LESS
- Presenter on a boat: SINK
- Presenter skating: RINK
- Small carnivorous mammal: MINK
- Obviously nervous first-time presenter: DRINK
- Obviously out-of-depth video game demonstrator: GO TO DRINK, MISS MOUTH, SPILL DRINK EVERYWHERE
- Unexpected Craig Federighi cameo: DRINK
- Joke about Craig Federighi’s hair: DRINK
- Craig Federighi pretends to be a spy: FINISH YOUR DRINK
- Anti-grammatical tagline: DRINKEST DIFFERENTER
- Snide comparison to a rival product: DRINK
- “Magical”: DRINK
- “Capacitive”: DRINK
- “Seamlessly”: DRINK
- “Bezel”: DRINK
- “Chamfered”: DRINK
- “Buttery smooth”: DRINK
- “So that’s iPhone 15”: DRINK
- “The experiences you have with these products”: DRINK
- “Innovation”: DRINK
- “Can’t innovate my ass”: FINISH YOUR DRINK
- Presenter’s head is replaced by Animoji: DRINK
- Unconvincing praise of USB-C: DRINK
- “One more thing”: DRINK
- AirPower announced (again): FINISH YOUR DRINK
- Tim Cook delivers the presentation wearing Vision Pro: FINISH EVERY DRINK IN THE HOUSE
If you’re still vertical, remember to follow all the announcements in our slightly more serious live blog.
Author: David Price, Editor
David has loved the iPhone since covering the original 2007 launch; later his obsession expanded to include iPad and Apple Watch. He offers advice to owners (and prospective owners) of these devices.