The Macalope: Just do something, anything!


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Maybe it’s sour grapes, but the Macalope is continually astounded at how BlackBerry and Microsoft get rewarded for the tiniest little things.

“BlackBerry soars after hiring Foxconn to produce smartphones”

BlackBerry did something! Hurray! Have a higher valuation for doing something!

BlackBerry shares soared after the smartphone maker struck a five-year deal to have Foxconn Group manufacture its devices, helping cut production spending and stave off the inventory gluts that have plagued the company.

Hardware company gets out of hardware business! Yay!

The Macalope looks forward to Mike Daisey’s tearjerking story about the Foxconn worker who makes BlackBerries but has never seen one powered on. Because no one buys them.

After years of losing market share to Apple and Google Android, the company is trying to make a comeback by zeroing in on business customers.

And by selling its immortal soul to Gorto, Demon of the Underworld. That was a tough call, but it could pay off. Except that Gorto is a trickster demon, so, probably not. But tough times call for tough measures!

“This is definitely a milestone,” said Jan Dawson, an analyst with Jackdaw Research in Provo, Utah. “BlackBerry was always first and foremost a devices company. Now they’re outsourcing a big chunk of that business and focusing more on other things.”

Like its interpretive dance. And it’s taking a cooking class!

Microsoft’s stock has been on a bit of a slide in December, but it’s still up about 6 percent since CEO Steve Ballmer announced he was retiring. The company is effectively leaderless right now and could face a huge upheaval when a successor is picked. Remember, Léo Apotheker is still available!

But investors are optimistic! Microsoft shall prevail!

OK, the stock market is weird. The Macalope used to work tangentially in the business and he’d still be the first to admit he doesn’t get it. A lot of it is black magic that mere mythical beasts aren’t meant to understand. A lot of it is just nonsense.

Yes, the market has already discounted BlackBerry into the stone age and Microsoft’s not exactly shooting up. Most of its increase probably comes from the idea that just getting rid of Ballmer is good news. But remember how Apple’s stock slid more than two hundred points over a year ago on rumors from some d00d standing outside a plant in Shenzhen that iPhone sales were slow?

Oh, well. It probably says somewhere in the syllabus that the stock market grades on a curve.

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