Microsoft’s staking a lot on 2012 and the Macalope caught up with our old friend the Winotaur at the local coffee shop again to talk about it.
You know, the conversation down at that Starbucks is very heady.
MACALOPE: Oh, for the love of… settle down! What is with you?
WINOTAUR: 2012, baby! 2012 is gonna be our year! I can feel it in my horns!
MACALOPE: Please… please don’t say that so loudly. Oh, god, now the parents are looking at us weird. Use your inside voice.
WINOTAUR: I’m telling you, it’s all falling into place! Did you know that if you subtract 12 from 20 you get the number of letters in “Microsoft”!?
MACALOPE: What? … One, two, three, four… No you don’t.
WINOTAUR: Oh. Are you sure? Anyway, doesn’t matter! We’re bringing it all together in 2012! Windows Phone 7 is starting to hit its stride…
MACALOPE: Uh, wow, really? Did they turn this Starbucks into a wine bar already?
WINOTAUR: …and the frenzy for Windows 8 is going to explode when the beta comes out in February!
MACALOPE: February, huh? You’re really sticking with that date?
WINOTAUR: Why not?
MACALOPE: Well, it just seems a little soon for a major, game-changing update like Windows 8. Isn’t there a lot to do?
WINOTAUR: I don’t think so. I think they’re pretty much just slapping Metro on Windows 7.
MACALOPE: Oh, come on. It’s more than that.
MACALOPE: The funny thing is, at the same time it seems too soon for a big release, doesn’t it also seems too late for a tablet OS?
WINOTAUR: What? No! Look, this might be hard for you to get through that moulded plastic head of yours, but we’re the ones thinking different.
MACALOPE: Different means late?
WINOTAUR: No, different means different. Come on. You know what I’m talking about. Metro isn’t like iOS or that other operating system that we make a mess of money off of.
MACALOPE: You know, it’s really annoying when you play dumb and then start making a good point about three quarters of the way through one of these conversations. But, yes, you know the Macalope’s, ugh, admired what you’ve done with Windows Phone 7.
MACALOPE: Except for the name, of course. Even “Android’ is better than that.
WINOTAUR: Which, by the way, you’re not doing us any favors by trying to kill. We make a lot of scratch off them.
MACALOPE: Yeah, it’s called triangulation. Look it up. Oh, wait, you already know what it means because it’s also what you’re doing to us.
WINOTAUR: Hey, you can’t fault us for trying. Besides, how’s a girl supposed to buy herself some shoes?
MACALOPE: Really do not want to know what that’s supposed to mean. Anyway, it just seems like you’re getting your hopes really high on having such a great year. And the Macalope just wouldn’t want to see you get hurt ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
WINOTAUR: Yeah, I’m really feelin’ that.
MACALOPE: Oh, man! Just no way to say that with a straight face!
Sometimes the Macalope’s really not sure why we keep meeting for coffee.
(Correction: Thursday’s column referenced a Twitter post by Andy Rubin about Android’s openness and said that it had since been deleted. That is apparently not the case, the post had been lost by Twitter and has since been restored. The Macalope regrets the error.)
[Editors’ Note: Each week the Macalope skewers the worst of the week’s coverage of Apple and other technology companies. In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]