The buzz from the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona is positively bee-like, as giant swarms of attendees reviewing the latest Android handsets are saying in unison, “PROTECT THE QUEEN! PROTECT THE QUEEN!”
Oh, wait, that’s an actual beehive.
The noise coming from MWC is more of a cacophony of sounds describing the various features of the latest Android handsets, as OEMs desperately try to differentiate their offerings from each other. And desperation, as we know, is what really makes a product shine.
Of course, it doesn’t help when these OEMs stomp on their own message about how much better their phone is than all the others. As Ina Fried wryly noted on Twitter about HTC’s announcement:
“It is the one phone you will need,” HTC’s Peter Chou, before introducing three different phones, all known as HTC One (One S, One V, etc)
Can these Android handset vendors not even hear themselves talking? First it was the Samsung’s Galaxy Note ad that said the phone was “already here” and “coming soon” at the same time, and now this?
Well, what is the hot new phone at MWC?
Maybe it’s the phone with the completely 100 percent original name, the ViewSonic ViewPhone… 4s (tip o’ the antlers to the Loop). At least no one will confuse it with an iPhone 4S by looking at it. Because it looks like a disposable camera.
Well, maybe the hot phone is LG’s entrant into the hottest new sub-category of phones that are trying too hard, the 5-inch phone.
Or is it the Sony Xperia, which comes in colors. Where has the Macalope seen that before, oh, that’s right.
Well, remember, it’s all about choice, and having as many lousy, eye-bleeding, and poorly-thought-out choices as possible. Because Apple doesn’t offer that.
By the way, how sad is that BlackBerry Bold ad that The Verge is sporting on all these reviews? This really demonstrates the pecking order of smartphones, doesn’t it? There’s the host of circus freaks jumping through hoops, trying desperately to be cool, and there’s the phone that had to pay to be on the page reviewing those phones.
And then, of course, there’s the phone that wouldn’t demean itself by being caught dead in such company. You know, the phone in your pocket.
[Editors’ Note: In addition to being a mythical beast, the Macalope is not an employee of Macworld. As a result, the Macalope is always free to criticize any media organization. Even ours.]