Remains of the Day: Anybody want a peanut?

The DOJ wants to put Apple on ice for collusion on ebooks’ price. Elsewhere, if an iPhone button wiggles, is it more than just a niggle? And to get some relief, Siri asks you to please keep it brief. The remainders for Wednesday, May 15, 2013 like to rhyme all of the time.

U.S. Now Paints Apple as ‘Ringmaster’ in Its Lawsuit on ebook Price-Fixing (New York Times)

According to the Department of Justice, Apple masterminded the price-fixing scheme, cajoling and threatening the poor innocent publishers into its nefarious schemes. Supporting evidence includes emails from Apple execs to publishers, as well as a recording of ex-CEO Steve Jobs sitting in his office and laughing maniacally.

Apple tells U.S. of tough talks, not collusion, with publishers (Reuters)

Apple, for its part, says that the publishers had already agreed to collude to make Amazon raise its prices on ebooks before Cupertino even came on the scene. Or, in other words, the buck stops wayyyyyyy over there.

Apple sued over faulty power button on iPhone 4 (GigaOm)

Speaking of evil Apple, a Florida woman has accused Apple of hiding a defect in the Sleep/wake button on the iPhone 4, which causes the button to become “wiggly” after about a year. BUTTONGATE!

Tim Cook Coffee Auction Ends with $610,000 Bid (MacRumors)

Unfortunately, nobody knows who put in the winning bid, which came from a last minute anonymous bidder. Or, in other words, instead of having to deal with the unwashed mashes, Tim Cook has just decided to buy himself a cup of coffee and an hour of peace.

Siri now quotes Strunk, Jefferson, chiding users’ speech (iLounge)

Don’t get too long-winded with Siri; Apple’s virtual assistant will now ask you to rephrase commands if you’re excessively wordy. And, as well-read as the software is, it’ll provide you with supporting quotes on the luxury of brevity, from luminaries like William Strunk, Thomas Jefferson, and, uh, Hawkeye from MASH.