Writing for The Huffington Post (motto: “Meh. Just run it.”), online community site CEO Oren Frank is here to stick it to the man. The Apple man.

”How to Turn an Apple Believer to Android in Ten Minutes or Less” (tip o’ the antlers to Rob Wensing)

Frank is the CEO of talktala, which bills itself as providing “online group therapeutic conversations.” Which possibly explains why he thinks we want to listen to his primal screaming about Apple.

We don’t, of course, but when venting online is your business model, well, you probably have issues with other people’s needs.

What’s Frank’s beef?

Well.

Dear apple geniuses [sic], misfits, the very ones who are “not fond of rules”*.

Ooh, sick burn! Shoving Apple’s own words down its throat. The only way the company will recover from that is if your complaint is that of a whiney, tantrum-throwing three-year-old.

Oh, hey, we’re in luck!

In the good days of your cult, when the prophet was still with us, our mental P&L accepted the apple [sic] formula of “We come up with amazing new products, and you pay an arm, leg and a kidney, and never ever question the faith.”

♫Because it’s a re-li-gion!♫

After regaling Huffington Post readers about what an awesome Apple customer he is—turns out he has purchased many Apple products!—he gets to the meat of his complaint with Apple.

Well, “meat” is really the wrong word in this instance. He gets to the gristle of his complaint.

So why talk Android? Because you insulted me and my intelligence. I bought one of the very first iPhone 5’s [sic] and unfortunately smashed the screen. I then went to an apple [sic] store where they asked for $400 for the repair. I sighed, found a kiosk, and got it fixed for half.

When you’re really angry, Huffington Post will wave any need for correct capitalization. Frank may have a hard time operating a keyboard because he’s apparently a bit of a butterfingers.

Two things happened since: you understood you need to provide a reasonable repair service and dropped the price to $150, and I managed to crack the screen yet again.

Well, it’s $150 to repair an Apple-supplied screen. But since what Frank busted the second time was not an Apple-supplied screen, he was told he had to buy a whole new phone. Which any normal person would understand since they voided their warranty by having a third party operate on the phone. But normal people don’t key ranty, lower-case Huffington Post pieces.

I’m planning to get the new google moto-x [sic], or maybe the HTC1.

Well, good luck with that, Oren. Please let us know which Android device makers replace parts they didn’t supply.

Ready for the kicker? You might want to hold on to something sturdy, for when it becomes clear how hot the air Frank has been spewing at us is, you may lift off the ground.

If I don’t like it, I’ll consider going back to an iPhone, but I’m pretty sure it will be a very long time before I’ll go back to being someone who cares for your company.

Well, if it’s any consolation, if Frank was paid for this piece, he wasn’t paid much. It is The Huffington Post, after all.