Apple had a big week last week, announcing two larger iPhones a well as the fabled Watch that was foretold in ancient prophecy. (A year ago is ancient history in technology.)
So, now what are we going to talk about? Is this the end of rumors? The end of times? Don’t worry. The rumor well never runs dry. Just like everything else, it follows the First Law of Thermodynamics and this week is a perfect example: Apple quietly discontinued the classic iPod, ending its 13-year run. What happened to that potential rumor energy? Why, it returned to the system—some of it in the form of this week’s rumors.
The Path forward
Apple is rumored to be close to
acquiring social networking company Path. Presumably because it has had such great success with social networks
starting with the letter “P”. It’s not exactly certain what Apple would do with Path, but you know how it is when you’ve got a few hundred million dollars burning a hole in your pocket.
Yeah, I don’t, either.
These days a company has to have at least two things to be a big name in technology: a social network and a smartphone. No one knows exactly why that’s the case, it just is.
Rumor: Apple to acquire Path.
Reason: Seems likely for some weird reason.
That’s not all Apple’s been rumored to maybe possibly be in discussions about, that may or may not just be preliminary, about buying. Hot off announcing Apple Pay, the company is now rumored to be thinking about scooping up Square, the easy-squeezy, lemon-peasy payment company.
Fortunately we have a final word on this rumor. Yes, Jim Dalrymple, he of the Apple and rock music connections, actually weighed in on this one.
Responding to a report by TechCrunch that says Apple and Square had been in talks but Square walked away, Dalrymple replied with characteristic verboseness:
Oh, well, then that’s tha…
Wait, does that mean Apple and Square weren’t in talks or that Square didn’t walk away?
Rumor: Square and Apple maybe in talks that may or may not have failed.
Reason: Resubmit this when you’ve done more work.
Watch this space
What’s that you say? You’re really looking forward to getting your hands on an Apple Watch and then using those hands to get it on your wrist? Dude, no! Don’t be fooled into buying a Watch now. Or, well, when you can actually buy one in four months or whenever it actually ships. That’s just what Apple wants you to do.
Reuters has the proof you’re being duped right here:
“Sources Say The Next Version Of The Apple Watch Is Going To Be Much Better”
Two people familiar with Apple’s plans told Reuters the company is planning to unveil richer health features and additional sensors in later versions, the first iteration not hitting the market until early 2015.
Ahhh. You mean to say that devices improve iteratively with time? And that later versions may have features that earlier ones do not?
What a scam!
Well, if this is true, then the smart money is on never buying anything until about an hour before you die, just so you know you’re not missing out on anything.
Rumor: The next version of the Apple Watch will be better than the one that hasn’t even been released yet.
Reason: Yeah, time moves forward. Thanks for the newsflash.