The Macalope does not offer investment advice as he is not a licensed investment professional and has not huffed the requisite amounts of nitrous oxide as required by law. Presumably that’s what people who give investment advice do, or how else could we explain this piece on the Motley Fool by Robert Baillieul:
“Forget Apple Inc.: 1 Reason to Buy Blackberry Ltd. Instead” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody)
Is it having consumed lead paint chips as a child? Is it a massive head injury? A desire to become more zen by shedding yourself of worldly possessions? Maybe it’s simply self-loathing. There could be so many reasons. It’s hard to pick just one.
While investors gawk over Apple Inc.’s latest piece of “iJunk,”…
Apple products are junk! On this all reasonable people must surely agree. 50 million or more people a quarter are just buying pieces of junk. Well said.
…they could be missing out on an even larger opportunity.
Indeed! Much in the way lyme disease is an opportunity to learn more about deer tick prevention.
Apple has come to dominate the smartphone revolution.
The Macalope loves how Apple is either A) just a niche player because Android has far more market share or B) “dominating the smartphone revolution”, depending on what point the writer is trying to make.
BlackBerry Ltd., however…
Is still technically in business. Scientists can’t explain it.
But behind the scenes, new CEO John Chen is working on something that could be even larger than the smartphone.
Like the BlackBerry Playbook?! Aw, remember the BlackBerry Playbook? Remember when “amateur hour” was over? Good times. We’ll never get those days back. Time moves ever forward like a shark, relentlessly eating our precious hours on this Earth. Soon we die.
[The Macalope stares out the window. A single leaf falls… like a teardrop.]
Enough setup, already! Tell us why BlackBerry is a smart buy, Robert.
1. The stock is cheap
Well, you’re not wrong about that. But so are Playbooks and the Macalope’s not buying one of those. No one is.
2. The upside is huge
There’s nowhere to go but up! Unless there’s a cellar below this cellar. Oh, there is? Oh, jeez. Oh, it’s Hell, you say? The Hell of poor stock performance? Oh, dear.
Today 99% of all “things” are unconnected to the Web.
Your Swamp Things, your Man-Things, your ever-loving Things, what have you. And BlackBerry is the company that’s going to get all those “things” on the Internet! It’s not like Apple’s going to announce anything related to this next week or anything.
What’s French Canadian for “pipe dream”?
Wait, the Macalope thought there was only going to be one reason to buy BlackBerry. Are you saying there are not one, not two, but three reasons?!
3. The smart money is buying
Last quarter a number of respected hedge fund managers—including Jim Simons, Cliff Asness, and Prem Watsa—initiated or increased the size of their positions in the company.
Hedge fund managers?! My God, they’re almost holy, infallible creatures like unicorns, right?!
What could have these investors so excited? I’d say it could only mean one thing…
A cocaine addiction?
…they see an epic rally ahead.
Oh, that. The epic BlackBerry rally. That was going to be the Macalope’s second guess.