Groundhog year: iPhone production cuts are brand new every year

No, you’re not still seeing double after that New Year’s Eve bender, the Macalope is actually writing yet again about the annual overreaction to iPhone production cuts.

Hey, it’s job security.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and manufactured hysteria circus, Ewan Spence describes how “Disappointing iPhone Performance Forces Apple Into Drastic Action.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @mylestaylor and Crandall Crute.)

Drastic! Because this is a totally new thing that is only happening this year and has never happened before. Like, say, last year. Just as an example. Certainly there are no other examples one could vaguely wave one’s hoof at. (And, yes, if you click on that link you’ll see that the Macalope was making the same Groundhog Day joke about this exact same thing four years ago. Jane, get him off this crazy thing.)

Apple is cutting production of the iPhone by around ten percent in the first quarter of 2017…

Last year it was supposedly cutting iPhone 6S production by about 30 percent so you’d think this would be an improvement instead of a “disappointment” but that just shows why you’ll never make it in the tech punditry biz, Gertrude. It’s a dog-eat-garbage-and-barf-it-back-up world out there, Gertie. It’s not for everyone. Some say it shouldn’t be for anyone. By law. Please sign the online petition.

Using data from analysts and examining supply chain orders, the daily Japanese publication believes slower than expected sales of Apple’s latest smartphone will lead to a reduction of output during the next three months.

It happens every year but no one ever expects it. Just like spring. There you are all set to fasten on your skis again and you’re like “Hey! Where’s the snow! What’s with all the flowers?! I can’t ski on flowers!”

And then you turn to the camera, smile wickedly and say “Or can I?!”

And then it turns out, no, you can’t. No one can.

Look, they ramp up production for the release and the holiday season and then they cut production for the first calendar quarter. That ain’t new. But, the horny one looks forward to discussing the very dire cuts to the iPhone 7S a year from now. Just remind him some time in December not to go to the Groundhog Day well again.