2017 is almost over, so let us begin the shaming of decisions you might have made this year!
Writing for Fortune, Jay Kapoor tells us about “4 Apple Products You Probably Wasted Money on This Year.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Philip Speicher.)
They’re a waste of money! Kapoor doesn’t know anything about you or your situation but if you bought any of these products you are a big dumb-dumb who makes bad life choices.
In many ways, [Apple] is the preeminent technology company.
Many ways. Most ways. Preeeeeetty much every way.
It sets the high bar for excellence when it comes to design and performance in consumer-centric hardware and software.
So, if it ever makes a mistake, pundits feel free to make a huge, ginormous deal about it. Other vendors, much less so.
…I’m usually at the front of line to receive communion at the Cathedral of Jobs…
You know what would be a really clever and rarely used rhetorical device? Comparing Apple to a religion. Surely no one has done this before. I am a genius.
Let’s get to the suck.
9.7-inch iPad (2017 generation)
Kapoor doesn’t like the screen, audio, and lack of Apple-made peripherals for the 9.7-inch iPad. For his money, the 10.5-inch iPad Pro is the one to get. And the Macalope hopes it is his money because it’s $320 more.
Apple is constantly chastised for not making more affordable devices and then when it does make one that’s more affordable people complain that it doesn’t have the same specs as the costlier option.
Apple Watch Series 3 (with LTE)
…having a conversation on the watch (without your phone) only kind-of works. The speaker on your wrist just isn’t that clear, meaning Apple needs you to buy some Air Pods or Beats Bluetooth headsets to accompany your Watch–cha-ching!
Well, maybe if you hadn’t blown all your money on that iPad Pro…
The Macalope got a Watch Series 3 without LTE because he hates talking on the phone to begin with. But he recognizes that LTE is a specialty feature that some people want. Isn’t it nice that there are choices? Oh, no, it is not. If people do not make the same choice I made, they wasted their money.
Apple TV 4K
…you probably don’t have a 4K TV just yet.
The Macalope does, actually. Again, your experience is not everyone’s. Although the Macalope agrees with Kapoor that the Apple TV seems slightly overpriced for the market. Not that that means buying one is necessarily wasting your money.
Now, are you sitting down for the last one? Is your mouth flushed of all liquids? Very well, then.
You probably also “wasted money” on the 2018 Mac Pro this year, too, didn’t you, you time-traveling dolt.
Again, the horny one is not unmoved by the argument that the HomePod might be overpriced for its market. But it hasn’t even shipped yet. Barring aberrations in the space/time continuum, it should not be on a list of items “you probably wasted money on this year”. Also, no one has even done a full review of the HomePod. We should actually see the thing in action before we pass judgment on it.
In some product categories, Kapoor believes…
…your best bet is to hold onto your cash, or look to Amazon’s and Google’s more budget-friendly options as a temporary substitute.
As with almost every other piece that favors Amazon and Google’s offerings, there is no mention of privacy in this piece anywhere.
If you bought the first three products this year, you are not a sucker, you probably just made your own adult decision. If you bought the last one you are a freaking wizard.