A watched pot: of watches and imagined delays


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An Apple executive has opened their mouth and words have come out! Therefore news!

It’s like Christmas for topic-starved news publications.

Writing for the Guardian, Samuel Gibbs laments:

“Apple Watch to miss Christmas and will launch in spring” (tip o’ the antlers to giles copp)

It is indeed shocking that a device that was announced to ship in “early 2015” will miss Christmas of 2014. Not sure how that happened. Something having to do with the linear nature of time, perhaps? It is uncertain.

A leaked internal video reveals the watch will not be available until spring, giving Google’s Android Wear smartwatches a nine-month head start

Surely Android Wear will be an unstoppable juggernaut by then.

“We’re going into the holidays, we’ll go into Chinese New Year [on 19 February], and then we’ve got a new watch launch coming in the spring,” said [Apple head of retail Angela] Ahrendts in a video to Apple retail employees.

This according to a transcript of a video of Ahrendts talking. And clearly anything after February 19th cannot be said to be “early 2015” because of this math we just invented so this is obviously a change of some kind so certainly we must discuss what has happened.

The Apple Watch will miss the crucial 2014 Christmas period, which analysts are expecting will see wearable technology including fitness trackers and smartwatches be the big gifts of the year.

Oh, really? Which analysts? Not these analysts.

“I think the year to watch [for wearables to go mainstream], from my standpoint, is next year,” said Mike Pegler, principal at PWC and leader of its product innovation and development practice.

Huh. Wonder why that is. Maybe someone’s releasing a smartwatch next year or something.

Over at MarketWatch, Jennifer Booton gives us “The real reasons for the Apple Watch’s delay.”

Spoiler: No real reasons are given. Possibly because there’s no “delay” to speak of and partly because Booton doesn’t have any real information to go on.

Any delay may signal the tech giant has failed to lock down the new parts needed for its Apple Watch ahead of time, [analysts] say.

7 out of 10 howler monkeys agree: OOOH AHHHH EEEE-EEE!

Look, we don’t really know exactly when the Apple Watch will hit the streets. Try to deal.

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