Community service: Asking Apple to ditch its competitive advantages

Dear Apple, please make Windows 10 better because... well, just because.


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Was Apple convicted of spray painting someone’s garage door or vandalizing a skate park or skateboarding in a non-skate park? The Macalope’s just trying to figure out why some people think it should have to do community service.

Writing for the corn maze of the mind that is Business Insider, Matt Weinberger says:

“Dear Apple: Please be nice to Microsoft” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

Sure, why not? It’s not like Microsoft hasn’t always been nice to Applkcjavclkajdfalekfaelkjacklva

Sorry. The Macalope’s hoof cramped up there from irony.

You don’t get irony cramps? Count yourself lucky. They smart.

It’s been a few days since Microsoft Windows 10 launched, and so far I’m loving it…

Microsoft maybe, possibly, finally, has a decent upgrade to Windows 7. So Apple needs to jump on it because Microsoft, Microsoft, Microsoft.

…and that’s coming from someone who’s been using a Macbook [sic] for the last 10 years.

Sorry, Matt, but how could you have been using a MacBook for 10 years when the MacBook is only 9 years old?!

Don’t wait for the translation! Answer the question!

I really miss my Apple and Google apps.

Hey, why not ask Apple to port Google’s apps to Windows 10 as long as we’re going doggie-daycare-when-a-cat-walks-by kind of barking mad.

There are lots of perks to buying into the Apple ecosystem.

And Apple should make those perks available to everyone, thereby ruining its competitive advantage.

Also, I’d like a llama. Two llamas. And a cookie. Wait, do llamas like cookies? Make it three cookies.

Weinberger lists Handoff, AirDrop, “Continuum” (he probably means Continuity), and Messages as services he misses on Windows 10.

…Apple’s no-Windows policy could also backfire if Windows 10 becomes a smash hit.

It was seven years ago that the Macalope first said “it’s amazing how future Microsoft products beat current Apple products time and time again,” and it’s still as amazing today as it was then. A dumb kind of amazing, but still amazing.

Microsoft is aiming to have 1 billion users on Windows 10 in the next two to three years, some of whom might be Mac users like me that are lured back to the PC camp.

Apple, meanwhile, plans to spend the next three years catching up on Game of Thrones, taking that parkour class it’s always been meaning to take, and eating a mess o’ canned peaches. So, good luck keeping up with Microsoft’s aims, Apple! Psh. How did that 3-year plan even get approved by the executive committee?

Apple [looking up from an open can of peaches, its face glistening with syrup]: “Wuh?”

Oh, Apple. Whatever will we do with you?

If my iPhone doesn’t play nicely with Windows 10, then that’s one less thing that’s special about the iPhone.

And one more thing that’s special about the Mac. If the iPhone is so un-special then maybe you should get a Window Phohahahahahaha oh, god, sorry! The Macalope thought he could say that with a straight face but nope!

It’s a hypothetical risk, to be sure…

Killer bees can attack at any time. Better to always wear the bee suit. Sleep in it, in fact.

The bees. The bees.

By releasing a bunch of its best software for Windows, Apple could make a lot of users very, very happy.

Windows 10 users.

You know what Apple should do? Make a Mac to Windows 10 conversion utility. You know, to make Windows 10 users happy.

[Sings the Banana Splits theme song]

It probably wouldn’t cost Apple very much…

Maybe. Heck if I know. Not my problem. Why isn’t Apple doing it already?

…and it might help the company keep a stronger grip on its smartphone market share.

At the expense of its PC market share, which is actually growing long after the PC wars have been said to be over.

You know what Apple should do? None of this. That’s what Apple should do.

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