Word play: Describing Android with two words

You can use more than one word to describe an operating system.


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Much like Grover had a bad, awful day, Android has had a bad, awful couple of weeks on the security front.

“Android! Your ice cream fell off your cone!”

[Android looks down, slumps shoulders and frowns]

Writing for Ars Technica, Ron Amadeo describes the recent problems.

“Waiting for Android’s inevitable security Armageddon”

Armageddon? That doesn’t sound good. The Macalope’s trying to imagine where Android users would get Raptured to, but he’s not sure he wants to know.

The upshot?

As you might expect, Google, Samsung, and LG have all pledged to “Take Security Seriously” and issue a fix as soon as possible.

Their “fix” is going to be to patch 2.6 percent of all active Android devices. Tops.

Well, this certainly won’t stand. This running around and careless describing how things actually work. Time to double down on Android’s inherent awesome, right InformationWeek’s Thomas Claburn?

“Why Android Fragmentation Is A Good Thing” (tip o’ the antlers to Jeffrey Weaver)

Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Malware.

Google Android operating system is often described as “fragmented.” And generally, that’s characterized as a problem.

A better term would be “diverse.”

Indeed. Please take your fragmentation hate speech elsewhere.

But can’t Android be both? iOS, for example, could be correctly described as “restrictive.”

We do not say humanity is fragmented.

We don’t? Humanity isn’t biologically fragmented (present company excluded), but aren’t people fragmented by political and economic systems, religion and class? This analogy actually works much better running counter to Claburn’s claim because medicine is the human analog to software patches and often only the people in wealthy, industrialized societies have ready access to or can afford it.

We are not a monoculture. We should not expect our phones, or the code that runs them, to conform to a single standard.

What is “sec-ur-ity” anyway? Are you going to let some company tell you what software patches you need? Hey, maybe you want all your information to be compromised. Ever think of that?

What happened to you, Danny? You used to be a rebel. You’ve changed, man.

Apple executives…

Heeeere we go…

…have made it a habit to emphasize the downside of Android’s diversity.

Psh. What is up with that? It’s almost like their devices “compete” against Android devices and they feel like it’s in the best interest of their business to point out the differences between the two to emphasize the benefits of their products.

…the blame for the low adoption rate of Android updates belongs with the Android ecosystem…

Google certainly isn’t to blame. No, Google is a holy, blameless creature like a seraph or a unicorn or Benedict Cumberbatch. (“He’s good in everything.”)

At the same time, Apple’s centralized approach, for all the real benefits it offers, hasn’t conferred immunity from security issues.

Yeah! So what’s even the point of these so-called “updates” that “protect” devices from exploits if they don’t confer complete immunity?! What’s even the point of anything?!

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

One of the problems with Apple’s monoculture is that a security vulnerability in the latest operating system release has the potential to affect a greater percentage of the user base than it would on Android.

OK, a new vulnerability might have that effect. But it’ll also get patched faster and more completely. And its stricter control on installing apps means its less likely to get exploited.

Look, Apple isn’t perfect on security. But iOS is more secure than Android. Sorry? No, that’s not what the Macalope means. Suck it up. That’s closer.

There’s also the petty paternalism of requiring that developers seek approval for app content, rather than simply auditing code for security and privacy issues and accepting that code authors deserve the same speech protection as text authors. But that’s another story.

A dull, dumb story, told by a pedant, full of sound and fury, signifying the kind of overbearing devotion to dogma that dentists want you to have for gum disease prevention.

“If you’re not willing to quit your job to devote yourself full time to your gums, then I can’t help you, Ted.

Google is trying to pick up the pieces and fuse Android’s fragments together into a more manageable amalgam. Maybe it will work this time.

Adorable. And they call Apple customers the “faithful.”

In the meantime, at least there’s no shortage of choices.

Yes! Choice is a strength of Android. Hey, the Macalope wants an updated 4-inch iPhone (ever try to stretch a hoof all the way across a 4.7-inch screen?) and he’s not hopeful right now he’ll get one this year. That chafes his hide.

So, yes, the platforms have differences. One of Android’s is that it sucks on security. You can’t whitewash that.

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