Walk on the mild side: Android Wear comes to iOS


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Are you someone who thinks the smartphone in their pocket should look great while the smartwatch on their wrist should look like a can of clams? Well, your day has come!

Writing for the International Business Times, Mike Brown makes the case for using an Android Wear smartwatch with your iPhone.

“Android Wear Now Works With iPhones: 5 Reasons You Should Ditch Your Apple Watch And Go Google” (tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

Well… at least it’s not a slide show.

Android Wear has arrived on iOS.

For all five of you who wanted this.

Android Wear Watches Look More Like Actual Watches

Watches are meant to be round. This is a thing that all people know. There was never a square watch ever before and roundness is the natural state of the watch. Do square watches ever form in nature? Of course not!

…the square shape [of the Apple Watch] is reminiscent of a 1980s Casio watch…

Which was clearly not an “actual watch”.

This vintage Omega? Not an actual watch. The Temptation Cameo and Fortis Square? Not actual watches. They may not even exist in our space/time continuum. You can find images on the Internet of lots of things that do not really exist, like unicorns, jackalopes and Beyoncé. A picture is not proof of existence.

If you want your watch to look more like, well, a watch, then you’ll probably be satisfied with something like the LG Watch Urbane…

And if you are satisfied with the look of the LG Watch Urbane, seek the help of a style consultant.

There Will Be A Wider Range To Choose From

You’ll be able to pick the one that looks like a tuna can, the one that looks like a $12 Timex or the one that isn’t out yet!

The Watches Have Very Good Support

Not as good as the Apple Watch’s iOS support, but very good.

It is clearly worse than the Apple Watch’s iOS support, but we will list this as an Android Wear advantage because… well, because we need five things. There was no way we were going to get to ten, but four just looks bad.

The Screen Is Always On

The battery is always draining.

What’s the point of having a watch if you can’t check the time with a quick glance?

Yes, there are times when this is clumsy on the Apple Watch. The Macalope would say it’s perfectly fine about 95 percent of the time. Still, there is that 5 percent, which should not exist. There are probably a dozen ways Android Wear devices fall down on the job, but it’s true the Apple Watch sometimes falls down here.

They're Much Cheaper

Some of them are cheaper, and there’s a reason. The “looks like an actual watch” LG Watch Urbane starts at the same $349 as Apple’s offering.

…if money is tight, you could take a look at the Moto 360…

You will open your mouth to scream, but nothing will come out.

…which starts at $149.

And has all the smart looks of strapping a can of Skoal to your wrist.

There is a weird obsession with the roundness of a smartwatch being the only criterion necessary for “actual watch” good looks. The Macalope thinks the LG Watch Urbane looks cheap compared to the Apple Watch but, yes, it looks more like what most male watch wearers have sported since wrist watches became a thing during the First World War. The Moto 360, on the other hand, is a gargantuan cylinder stub, an exaggeration of a wrist watch so comic that it should have its own category, since it’s large enough to have its own gravitational pull. How anyone can ding the Apple Watch for failing the “looks like an actual watch” litmus test and praise the Moto 360 simply because it’s round (it’s a literal circle!) is beyond the horny one.

Of course, if you know your money is tight, you probably shouldn’t buy a smartwatch in the first place.

This is true. The Macalope doesn’t recommend the Apple Watch for everyone. But he’s worn a Moto 360 and, seriously, sometimes spending $200 less is spending $149 too much.

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