Headline news: Accuracy need not apply

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Link baiting? In a headline? Now the Macalope has seen everything.

Yes, tech journalism’s favorite pastime is alive and well and making the horny one bang his antlers against hard things.

Writing for CNN, David Goldman claims , ”The new iPhone is costing you more than ever.”

Which is kind of a weird thing to say since the first unlocked iPhone sold for three locked iPhones and a Nissan 350Z. Even if you look at the history of unlocked iPhone pricing it’s pretty clear they’ve consistently started at $649 for years.

So, no, iPhones don’t cost more than they used to. What Goldman means is people are choosing to pay more than they used to and getting more, either in memory or screen size. Now, you can argue that the low-end iPhone should have more than 16 GB of capacity (it should) but that’s a different topic. Good news for Goldman, though: “Stingy Apple” makes a great headline, too.

But let us not dwell on how Apple is screwing you on price. Let us turn to… Oh, wait, this one’s about price, too.

Writing for How To Jam Apple Into a Headline Daily (aka MarketWatch), Jennifer Booton jams Apple into a headline:

”Google unveils everything Apple launched, only cheaper”

It was supposed to be a piece about Google’s event but Apple gets the clicks, so…


This is how the sausage is made, people. Don’t shoot Booton who is only the messenger. And also the person who is grinding up animal lips and snouts and stuffing them into intestines.

So, yeah, Google’s phones and stuff cost less because, well, ads. Also, Apple’s devices are made better and retain their value better so you can resell them for a lot more. Not worth mentioning. Remember, it’s about Google’s event! Also, did you know Google still sells Nexus devices? It’s true. There are literally dozens of Nexus owners. Dozens!

Now, would you be surprised to learn that ”Apple Music Has Failed”? (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.) This news comes to us via Ewan Spence of the Forbes contributor network and mobile large animal husbandry service who asks:

Will people continue to stay subscribed to Apple’s model of a subscription music service? Has the service delivered enough value? Does it compare favourably to the current leading streaming players?

Before answering:

Personally, the answer is no.

Ah. Well, if a member of the Forbes contributor network and reform school for goth performance artists doesn’t like it, might as well shut it down. Does Spence have any data about Music subscriptions or revenue? Nah. He just doesn’t like it.

Sensationalism: It’s what’s for breakfast. Also, lunch and dinner.

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