Absolute zero: The coldest of takes on Apple


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The Macalope’s not a physicist, so forgive him if he’s unclear on some of the particulars of thermodynamics as they relate to the study of Apple. He’s heard of hot takes, of course. Presumably there are also cold takes. But how cold must a take be before it utterly inert?

Probably exactly as cold as this take from StreetInsider:

“Apple CEO Cook Succumbs to Social Media Pressure; Removes 'Famed' Super Bowl Photo from Twitter”

Ah, the photo seen ‘round the world. Inasmuch as Twitter is a social media site available on the Internet and the Internet is accessible world-wide. World-wide, however, most people went about their business.

Apple shares are a little weaker amid CEO Tim Cook doing some social media "clean up."

OK, yes, “amid”, but these two events are not necessarily related. Or, knowing that the stock market seems about as level-headed as astrology, professional wrestling and the guitar player from Mad Max: Fury Road, maybe they are.

According to Mashable, the CEO deleted a photo he posted to Twitter, which was an on-the-field shot following Super Bowl 50. The picture in question was a little blurry and, subsequently, Twitter users tore into it.

People on Twitter being mean? What has this world come to? This is certainly shocking. Someone should alert the media.

Oh, someone already did. Never mind.

Did Internet bullying unnerve the head of the world's most valuable company?

Sure, that’s probably what it was. Cook rushed back home, curled up into a ball, sobbing and deleted the image. Then he ate an entire quart of fudge ripple.

Or he was simply tired of wading through the jerkery in his @-replies and deleting it was an easy way to cut down on them.

But no, he probably got to be the CEO of the world’s largest consumer electronics company by being as timid as a wet kitten in an interview for astronaut training school.

"How do you think you'll handle zero gravity?"


Investors might also be wondering about Cook's capacity for criticism.

If investors are wondering about that because Cook deleted a tweet and blocked some serial jerks, investors might also be wondering where all those Q-Tips they keep sticking in their ears are going.

Yes, it’s very concerning that Cook can’t take important feedback from a bunch of egg icons saying “ur stoopid android rulez”. Certainly puts the future of the company in question.

Cook deleting the photo might not really mean much…

Oh. You don’t say.

And, really, you shouldn’t have said any of this.

…but it is interesting to think about why the photo was deleted.

Just how starved for entertainment are you? Did your Netflix account expire? Did the string break on your cup and ball game?

No explanation has been given so far.

As a sign of StreetInsider’s seriousness about this very important issue, the Macalope believes they should refrain from writing about Apple again until one is given. That’ll show ‘em.

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