A literal double standard: iPhone memory demands

Two times the demands.


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You’ve heard, of course, about the Apple double standard, where a different set of rules apply to Apple than every other company out there because…. well, because Apple, that’s why.

Writing for Mashable, Stan Schroeder takes the Apple double standard a little too literally.

“Hey, 32GB iPhone 7, I already hate you.” (Tip o’ the antlers to 10at10.)

Rumors of the base iPhone 7 sporting 32GB aren’t good enough for Schroeder.

I expect the iPhone 7 to be among the best phones out there, and to achieve that, Apple would finally have to do something unexpected—even if it’s so simple as jumping from 16GB base storage to 64GB for the cheapest option.

Also there should be cake and confetti and chocolate milk. And a duck. I’ve always wanted a duck.

No, wait! Two ducks!

Yes, while 32GB is enough for Samsung et al (there probably is an Android OEM called simply “al”), Apple has to double that or it’s Failsville, North Dakota, home of the always giving-up Laters.

At local football games they cheer “GO HOME, LATERS!” And the Laters all leave the field and go home. Weird place.

At this point some of you may be dismissively waving your hand, thinking you can never please these tech journalists.

Well, the Macalope’s doing something with his hand.

But hear me out.

OK, but only because the Macalope is apparently filled with self-loathing since he chose this job.

Apple first introduced a 16GB iPhone in February 2008. Remember 2008? George W. Bush was still president of the U.S., USB sticks still came in 256MB sizes, and smartphones were a new thing.

Kids were doing a dance called the “Lindy,” and Stone Soup was still a children’s book teaching how to get people to give you things for free when you have basically nothing. (This has since been rebranded as “startup culture.”)

Look, if you want to hear war stories, the Macalope survived on the original 4GB iPhone for two years. So, he knows it’s possible even today to make it on a 16GB phone. The Macalope knows people who only use a handful of apps. He doesn’t understand them, but they exist.

Still, there hasn’t been a good reason to scrimp so on memory for a while now. That additional 16GB costs very little for Apple and the only reason the base iPhones don’t start at 32GB is to push you to the 64GB model. Schroeder is completely right on that point. That doesn’t justify demanding an extra 32GB “just ‘cause,” though.

Hey Apple, when’s the last time we had a pleasant surprise?

Uh, WWDC? Or, at the very least, right before.

Now, the Macalope must warn his more sensitive readers that the following display of cognitive dissonance may cause disorientation, dizziness and even vomiting if you have a sensitive inner ear or the condition doctors refer to as “a tender tummy.”

Most importantly, iPhone’s overall specs just feel weak.

And we all know specs are why people buy iPhones.

Yes, it’s a great phone…

Wait, what? If its specs are so crappy and specs are clearly so very important, then how can it be a great phone? OK, everyone wants better battery life, yes, but it’s been pretty clearly shown that by owning the whole stack and making a fixed number of phones, Apple is able to make a better, more optimized experience.

Yeah, Apple darn well better give the base iPhone 7 32GB of capacity. But that’s it.

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