Summer is the season. The season to pre-judge the upcoming iPhones as abject failures.
I ordered a Galaxy Note 7 just before turning off the lights for bed last night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
Give the stylus to my pal Jake.
I’ll probably order an iPhone 7, too, when it hits the market in September…
The UPS driver has told me I have a problem. Everyone in the neighborhood stared when I screamed “I CAN QUIT ANY TIME!” at him.
…but Samsung’s device is already leaps and bounds ahead of what we’re expecting from the iPhone 7. …
Just take a look at some of the features…
Wamphelgators and zinglers and scartooflers galore! Why, the Galaxy Note 7 has no less than 15 karbanglers! Top that, Apple!
Apple is almost certainly not going to have a Quad HD screen, or anything that comes close, and you can forget support for a real stylus.
Done and done. Now let us never speak of it again.
There’s a rumor the iPhone will be water resistant, but the latest reports suggest…
Of course, you could wait a month and find out for sure, but who has time for that? That baboon heart they put in you isn’t going to last forever, you know.
Samsung listened to its fans and brought back a microSD card slot for expandable storage…
Ah, Samsung fans. Forever chasing card slots, swappable battery packs and styluses. But this is kind of definitional. If card slots are important to you, you don’t buy iPhones.
Apple is working on making the fingerprint reader faster…
Have you tried the TouchID scanner on the iPhone 6s? It’s so fast people complained about it. Any faster and it’ll unlock your phone before you pick it up.
…and may offer 3D Touch in the home button this year. Meanwhile, Samsung has moved on to the next big thing: an iris scanner…
OK, but do most people need the incremental security benefit of an iris scanner?
I don’t mean to trash Apple or its iPhone products…
Who would have gotten that idea?!
Other than people reading this article.
…I just mean to point out that it seems to be severely lagging in the smartphone market.
Samsung has so many more things. Quickly, Apple, jam more things into the phone.
Haselton piles on the feature set that Samsung dumped into the Galaxy Note 7 that clearly beat the phone we haven’t seen yet, but Samsung’s always been good at adding features (it’s also benefitted from a head start on design since Apple does a lot of their R&D for them). What it’s been less good at is making those features compelling to use.
Ultimately, the point is that these phones—both the one that’s already out and the one we haven’t even seen yet—are probably pretty good phones. Reasonable people can choose one or the other based on their needs, desires or world-views.
You know, when they actually see the second one.