Who you gonna call? Not this guy.


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There is a simple rule about writing about Apple: Do not quote this one guy. The Macalope has been pretty clear about this so he’s not sure why tech writers keep forgetting.

Writing for TechNewsWorld, John Mello asks “Can Apple Beat Snapchat and Instagram at Their Video Game?” (Tip o’ the antlers to Joel Teitelbaum.)

Dunno, what’s their video game? Is it Alto’s Adventure? The Macalope bets Apple’s probably pretty good at that.

Oh, oh, oh, their video game. Got it.

Snapchat and Instagram, look out. Apple has you in its sights.


The company is working on a video-sharing app with features similar to those found in Snapchat and Instagram, Bloomberg reported last week.

Mello neglects to include a link to that report by Mark Gurman. But he does quote some consultant who says pretty much what Gurman did.

"In a time when iPhone revenues are growing at a more earthly rate, Apple is looking for incremental revenue elsewhere," said Andreas Scherer, managing partner at Salto Partners.

The Macalope had never heard of Salto Partners before but fortunately there is a link in the piece to their site where they explain their services include Board Advisory, Interim Management, Sales Excellence and Outsourcing (that’s one eyebrow-raising, magical item) and Operations and Project Management. Basically, they’re the Bobs from Office Space. Oddly, “serving as a quote mill for stories largely unrelated to our business just so we can get our name out there” doesn’t appear in the pop-down list. Very strange. Seems like a core competency. They seem like thought leaders in the field. Possibly they reference it on LinkedIn.

Now, remember all the way back in the lede when Apple had Snapchat and Instagram “in its sights?” Well…

It's questionable whether Apple actually is gunning for Snapchat and Instagram.

Ah, we were so young long ago when we first started reading this piece! So full of life! Look at this picture of you from back then. Look at those ridiculous sideburns, that devil-may-care glint in your eye. Where has the time gone, Darius? We’ll never get those days back.

Mello does provide a brief bit of sanity in the form of a quote from Jan Dawson who tries to throw cold water on this whole bonfire of the insanities. But then he turns the Pinto around and cruises back to Bonkers, North Dakota, population: Rob Enderle.

Having set up the “Apple is trying to destroy Snapchat and Instagram!” hysteria, it’s time to pull the cord on the motor and let the air out of the wind dancer.

"Tim Cook doesn't have a history of doing social media right, and it is incredibly difficult to do right, so I think the odds are against Apple with this effort," said Rob Enderle, principal analyst at the Enderle Group.

OMG, Rob doesn’t think Apple can do it! Surely this unprecedented turn of events means that… er… Apple is… doom and… with the… [sigh]… so sleepy…

Yes, not only can Rob Enderle write pieces for TechNewsWorld saying Apple has no chance, he can get quoted in them as well. Next up: Enderle quotes himself in his own column about Apple having no chance, creating a singularity of hilarity that, sadly, destroys the universe.

By the way, is it Tim Cook who doesn’t have a good track record with social media or Apple in general? Because the Macalope’s pretty sure that Ping came out under Steve Jobs. Pretty sure, what with the linear nature of time being a constant and all.

Speaking of social media that don’t have a chance at beating the competition…

John Mello is a freelance technology writer and contributor to Chief Security Officer magazine. You can connect with him on Google+.


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