Like clockwork: Samsung’s problems are always bad news for Apple


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You knew it was coming but once again we see that there is no problem of Samsung’s that cannot be made into bad news for Apple.

Writing for MarketWatch, Jennifer Booton explains “Why Samsung’s exploding-phone nightmare should terrify Apple.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody and Matthew Seaman.)

Golf claps are kind of played out. Is there a clap slower and more lending to sarcasm? A billiards clap?

Oooh, croquet clap.

[Long, slow, sarcastic croquet clap]

You managed to make a link-baiting headline so dense it’s like a black hole.

Now, the Macalope hears you, dear reader. Why, you ask, should we listen to Booton when just a year and a half ago she was talking about how Apple would be “less dominant” in five years because of threats like Windows Phone? That is a very good point and the furry one has only one response:

Because it will probably be funny.

Samsung Electronics’ nightmarish phone-explosion problem may weigh on its sales and leave a blemish on the brand, but the outcome might’ve been worse had it happened to Apple Inc.

That would be a very good point except for one thing: It didn’t happen to Apple.

One can only imagine an editorial meeting at MarketWatch.

“You know what’s really bad? An infestation of weevils. So, bear with me here, what if a weevil infestation… happened to Apple?


Apple is much more reliant on its handheld devices than Samsung is on its family of Galaxy phones and tablets, according to an analysis of both companies’ most recent earnings reports.

It’s true. But you know who probably knows this? Apple. Just gonna take a wild guess here.

The iPhone alone comprised 57% of Apple’s total sales last quarter. That jumps to 67% when including iPads, which is a more apples-to-apples comparison.

This problem affected one Samsung device out of all theirs but when projecting this problem onto Apple, let’s pretend it’ll affect all of them, including the iPhone SE which is based on a design that’s been successful for four years. And the Macs, too. And iPods. And iPod socks.

Because… well, just because. Look, not everything has to make sense. In fact, nothing could make sense. Just like that headline and the life choices that led us to having to read it.

Samsung, on the other hand, has a highly diversified business, which includes smart appliances, such as refrigerators, as well as television displays and a chip-making unit.

And washing machines! Don’t forget the exploding washing machines! It’s probably not an endemic design and testing problem, though.

If Bloomberg is to be believed, Samsung rushed the Galaxy Note 7 to market. Why? To take advantage of what the technology press was predicting would be a “boring” iPhone update. So, if exploding batteries are caused by listening to caterwauling, anti-Apple coverage (like MarketWatch’s) and releasing products before they’re ready, Apple has little to fear.

Seriously, look how long it’s taken us to get new Macs.

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