What exploding phones? Samsung gets a pass.


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The future always belongs to Samsung! Instead of having to make up for blowing up people's phones, they’re once again set to beat Apple. All is forgiven!

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and remedial Cookie Clicker institute, Ewan Spence says the “New Galaxy S8 Leak Will Challenge Apple's Dominance.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @JonyIveParody.)

Not the phone, just the leak! This is how fragile Apple has become. Like naught but the gossamer wings of faeries, ’tis.

Samsung's Galaxy S8 is expected to include the debut of its new voice-based digital assistant. Following on from the South Korean company's acquisition of Viv Labs, the technology from this artificial intelligence platform will be baked into Samsung's software on the upcoming flagship.

Any time something is “baked in” you know it’s going to be delicious.

And what exploding phone? Why do you keep bringing that up? That will have literally been last year’s news by the time it’s next year. People will have forgotten all about it and will immediately line up to get their voice boxes using Samsung’s magical voice recognition technology which will work perfectly because it’s not like they have a history of rushing things out the door with explosive results or anything.

WHY DO YOU KEEP MENTIONING THAT? Ugh. So some phones blew up. That was like two months ago. Get over it already.

It is pretty amazing how the current narrative is all about whether or not Apple can bounce back from its horrible year. Gonna be hard when Ka-BOOM! Inc. is already beating Apple with nothing but leaks!

It also gives Samsung a stronger foothold into the world of digital AI alongside the likes of Microsoft's Cortana, Apple's Siri, and Google's imaginatively named Google Assistant.

But only one of those makes the headline, of course.

The Macalope isn’t even really sure what the leak is here, other than the gray matter coming out his ears at having to read this. We already knew that Samsung had bought Viv, so the leak is apparently that its technology might be in the Galaxy S8. Hopefully one of its jobs will be to whisper to the battery ”Please don’t explode.”

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