Apple has a pretty good thing going with AirPods. Which, of course, means they must be scorned.
Writing for CNBC, Anita Balakrishnan explains “How Apple will fix one of the most annoying flaws with AirPods.”
Just one, though! So many annoying flaws. Presumably. That’s the thing about unstated assumptions. They’re unstated. And assumed.
A way to recover lost AirPods is among the new features Apple previewed on Tuesday.
Way to fix the barn door after all the AirPods have spilled out into the pasture and rolled down the hill and into the river and were washed into the ocean never to be seen again, Apple.
"Find my AirPods" will help address a major criticism of the $159 untethered earpods — that they are easy to lose.
This is a “major criticism”… that Balakrishnan is somehow unable to cite. The article contains no quotes from people who have lost AirPods, no links to anything to support the claim that this is a real problem. The Macalope isn’t sure how other people operate, but when he spends $159 on a pair of headphones, he makes a point of keeping track of them. Also, he quite likes his AirPods so he doesn’t want to be without them. Indeed, the one complaint the Macalope has read has to do with trying to find them when they’re already in your ears.
After the AirPods were released, we were fêted with multiple videos of people vigorously shaking their heads trying to get them to fall out (spoiler: they don’t). And yet the conventional wisdom continues to be that AirPods are as easy to lose as a baby at a baby convention.
Who’s baby is this? Is this your baby or my baby? Oh, no, we got all the babies mixed up!
Though CEO Tim Cook said the wireless earbuds rarely fall out…
What does he know?
…their appearance and steep replacement price has made them somewhat of a punchline.
Serial jerkweeds who don’t know anything about AirPods find them laughable. People who own AirPods find them awesome. Who’s right?!
Despite missing most of the holiday shopping season, Cook has called the AirPods a "runaway success."
They are still back-ordered six weeks.
Do people freak out like this about other valuable items that are small like jewelry or flash drives containing important data or the stone that forest crone gave you to ward off evil spirits? If they do, the Macalope hasn’t seen it. It’s just another imaginary stick to beat Apple over the head with.