Scare tactics: Apple must live in fear

Apple is always five minutes away from doom.


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If it’s not one thing it’s another.

After hearing for months about the very popular and highly successful Amazon Echo—which people love and sells very well, certainly much better than the Apple Watch which is a failure—it turns out the real threat is not the Echo! How can this be when it is so beloved and moving like the proverbial hotcakes?

Well, let’s go to CNet to see what the current freakout is about.

“Apple should be afraid of Google. Very afraid.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Wira Adiyaska and Chris.)

Again? Or still? Probably still. Now and forever. With all the beating of Apple Google has done throughout the years, it’s amazing Apple is still around.

Whenever anyone says Apple should “be afraid” (and they do this all the time) the Macalope likes to imagine Apple executives hiding under a giant pile of cash.

Google is crushing Siri…

CRUSHING! If, by “crushing”, you mean better at some things but worse at others. And, let’s face it, when it comes to writing about Apple, that’s the industry standard.

Timing is a way you can pull off this particular silly pundit trick. That comparison the Macalope linked to is from January and notes that Siri’s HomeKit integration is way better than Google Assistant’s Google Home integration. But, of course, Google just held its I/O developer conference where it announced a slew of improvements. So, if you’re dying to write a “GOOGLE CRUSHING APPLE” piece, this is your window of opportunity.

…and dominating the smart home, but Apple has a chance to strike back in June.

Yes, Apple is widely rumored to be introducing its own Siri-based home speaker system next month at WWDC. Alas, even the hottest of takes loses its heat over time.

In other words, Google’s ecosystem is positioned to run circles around Apple’s…

For at least the next two weeks. Can Apple stay solvent that long? Let’s go to Trip Chowdhry to find out…

Google’s voice search tool has long outpaced Apple’s Siri.

This assertion is not sourced, but our valiant corpse [sic] of pundits has agreed this is so, so you can just type it and forget it.

Hey, maybe it has — the point is the difference is largely overblown — no one buys a device solely for the slightly better efficacy of a digital assistant.

OK, few people do that.


Home automation — like VR and self-driving cars and all the other markets pundits say Apple is getting CRUSHED in — is still a nascent market. No one is making serious bank in it yet. There’s quite a bit of time.

Apple did not respond to a request for comment.

Well, the Macalope thinks a heavy sigh and a giant, sarcasm-laden eye roll is kind of a response.

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