Too good: Time to stop making iPads


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Too bad for Apple that they didn’t realize they reached peak iPad last year. Stick a fork in it, Tim. It’s done.

(Note: do not stick a real fork in your iPad as it will void the warranty.)

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and scratch-and-dent idea outlet, Harold Stark is disappointment incarnate.

“The New iPad Pro 10.5-Inch: We Expected Better Apple.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Sean Daly

How do you justify an upgrade when the device you own has already reached perfection?

Well, the Macalope supposes you can’t. That’s the thing about false dilemmas.

Why, by adding more features, of course.

But… it was perfect before. If it was perfect, new features should either be impossible or shouldn’t matter.

[looks at own hoof, questions the meaning of the word “hoof”]

When it comes to the new iPad Pro… I can’t help but feel a little underwhelmed.

Rectangle. Comes in a box. What’s different, really?

Don’t get me wrong, the device is absolutely superb. Amazing specs, ideal performance, sleek design and an even bigger screen.

Ugh. Sounds awful. What were they thinking?

Stark’s beef is that he thinks the 9.7-inch iPad was already terrific. So why upgrade?

Except, Apple already killed it with the device’s groundbreaking predecessor. The iPad Pro 9.7” was more than a tablet, it was a statement in power and style.

Refreshes aren’t always for the people who own the most previous version. With tablets, they’re more often for the people who own a prior version, to entice them in to upgrading. Stark is applying smartphone thinking to the tablet market, someplace where it’s clearly not applicable.

…most of them have their refresh rate capped at 60 frames per second, making the upgraded refreshing power of 120Hz completely useless.

Ask someone who’s seen ProMotion if it’s “completely useless”. The Macalope will wait.

(Not really. Do that on your own time.)

…the only significant upgrade to the new iPads is the size of the screen. Without any noticeable changes in physical footprint, Apple has successfully upped the device’s screen size by an entire inch.

10.5 minus 9.7… carry the two… is… er…

While that is undoubtedly an interesting addition, it hardly justifies a $649 upgrade just a year after purchasing your old 9.7” model.

Are you keeping your 9.7-inch iPad? Because Gazelle will give you up to $215 for a 32 GB 9.7-inch iPad Pro.

Again, these are more computers than smartphones. They’re not necessarily meant to be upgraded every time a new model comes out. (And, personally, the iPhone SE has made the horny one rethink his annual smartphone upgrade fever.)

This is perhaps one of those points where, and hear me carefully for I will not say this again, Apple could take a lesson or two from Samsung on how to push the boundaries of innovation to keep their line of devices fresh and exciting.

Yes, instead of making it faster and smoother and larger without compromising really anything, Apple should just jam a projector or a curved display or a spork in there to jazz it up.

In other words, Apple should do something totally not Apple. Given where the company has gotten to by being itself, that doesn’t really sound like great advice.

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