8 isn’t great: iPhone 8 doom and gloom


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It is a well-known fact that, other than all the very obvious parts that are a mash of alchemy, astrology, voodoo and good ol’ fashioned medicine show hucksterism, investing in individual securities is a science.

Writing for InvestorPlace, Luke Lango advises you to “Sell Apple Inc. Stock as iPhone 8 Issues Mount.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Philip Speicher.)

Issues with this phone, that has not been announced or even seen, are frankly too numerous to mention. For example, we don’t know the color options but they’re probably terrible. It also may or may not smell of armpits and cheese. Sources also say that Apple Geniuses open every box prior to selling the iPhone and lick the device in an undisclosed location. An undisclosed location on the device, the Macalope means. They do the licking in the stock room of the Apple Store. That’s obvious. Which, of course, just confirms the story.

The iPhone 8 is coming under increasing heat of late.

No one has seen this phone.

The Macalope could really just pull some quotes from this piece and reply “No one has seen this phone” to all of them, but he expects Macworld probably wants him to put in a little more work than that. Besides, alfalfa tastes sweeter if you earn it.

[Bank of Merrill Lynch’s] conversations with the suppliers suggest that iPhone 8 shipments will be delayed by three to four weeks due to tech issues with fingerprint and 3D sensors.

This is, of course, next year’s iPhone that will be arriving early but, yeah, let’s all freak out about it being four weeks “late”.

Of course, some of this is related to analysts’ projections of sales for the third calendar quarter and if the iPhone 8 doesn’t ship until October, it won’t be available for sale in the third quarter. But the Macalope isn’t sure how that squares with pundits’ opinion that it’ll be too expensive to sell well anyway. And he’s not sure how that squares with their belief that Apple won’t be able to keep up with demand.

Bloomberg also reported that the iPhone 8 may face up to a two-month delay due to supply constraints.

No one wants to buy it and Apple won’t be able to make enough to meet demand. There is literally nothing this phone can do right. In fact, it is even constrained by its competitors’ problems.

At the same time, it can’t rush the iPhone 8, or it could risk a Galaxy Note 7 catastrophe where exploding phones sink sales.

Cool to see that everyone is over the exploding Galaxy Note 7 except inasmuch as it can be used against Apple. Thumbs up emoji.

Signs are starting to accumulate that Apple is ripe for a big disappointment…

Certainly this has never happened before. Like, say, last year.

If your concern over investing in a stock is focused solely on the sales that will occur in the last two weeks of a quarter, you’re less of an investor than a gambler.

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