Losing assumptions: The iPhone 8’s pre-failure

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If we proceed from the assumption that people fear change then it becomes extremely easy to doubt anything Apple plans on introducing.

Writing for The Motley Fool, Ashraf Eassa makes some assumptions about the iPhone 8.

“Will Apple Inc.’s Fingerprint Fail Hurt iPhone 8 Sales?”

Do you even have to ask?

Well, yes, because that’s how headlines are made. Duh. You can’t just state something in the headline because then people might not read the story. Read a book, Gary. A book on SEO.

The first assumption comes right under the headline.

Apple will probably lose sales…

Probably. A greater than 50 percent chance, for sure. And, if we’re rounding up, that means it’s 100 percent, guaranteed.

…but the impact to its overall financial results probably won’t be significant.

Mmm. Yeah. Hang on to that thought and keep your hands and feet inside the cart because this rollercoaster is just getting started.

Now, why exactly would Apple “lose sales”? Because people love Touch ID so much and Face ID will presumably be a piece of crap and the only iPhone coming out this year is the iPhone 8 which will only have Face ID and not Touch ID. That’s why.

There’s just about 10,000 things wrong in that assumption.

The Macalope is still working on tracking down the individual or individuals who hit pundits on the head and made them forget that Apple will also be introducing an iPhone 7s this year. So, he’s not able to address that particular point while this investigation is still in process.

However, if you are deeply, emotionally invested in Touch ID, if your fingies cry out to be recognized, you can still get a new iPhone with Touch ID this year. Of course, no one has seen Face ID yet so… there might be a pretty good reason Apple might be moving in that direction.

But, you’re all about the digits. So. Please enjoy this moment in time, is all the Macalope can suggest.

Eassa details the supposed history of how Apple tried to get Touch ID to work in the iPhone 8’s full-screen display and couldn’t and then came up with Face ID after pulling an all-nighter or something.

To be clear, Apple’s failure to build a viable Touch ID solution for the iPhone 8 reflects poorly on the Touch ID team at Apple…

The reports the Macalope read (including the one Eassa quoted in July in his piece entitled “Apple Inc.’s Epic iPhone 8 Fingerprint Fail”) say nothing about Apple’s efforts but simply indicate the technology isn’t there yet. But, sure, let’s just assume the Touch ID team is positively Stooge-esque. The workshop is just lousy with rakes and they’re taking them to the face one after the other.

Moreover, it’s going to be tough for longtime iPhone users to transition away from using Touch ID—muscle memory can certainly make such paradigm shifts a bit painful.

OW, MY THUMB. OH, MY GOD, SO MUCH BLOOD.

Certainly we can all agree that looking at your phone to unlock it will be nigh impossible to figure out. And Apple will make it very, very complicated.

We have now reached the “having my cake and eating it, too” phase of the article so here Eassa walks back everything he wrote up at the top.

…the lack of Touch ID—assuming, of course, Apple’s facial recognition technology works as well as rumored—just isn’t going to be a deal breaker.

But, at the same time, Apple will “lose sales”. Physicists agree that the quantum state of these sales is very hard to pin down.

The final line?

I think the OLED iPhone will still sell like crazy during this product cycle, pushing iPhone unit shipments and revenue to new heights.

It’s been a long, crazy journey from the top of the article to here, hasn’t it? Certainly the Macalope feels crazier for having read this.

Sure, people do fear change. They also like new stuff.

  
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