Good company: Considering the iPhone as necessary as water

The Macalope doesn't understand hating it but still choosing to buy one every year.


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The Macalope reads a lot of over-the-top Apple commentary, but when your iPhone complaint lumps it in with potable water is probably when an editor should step in and ask “You sure you want to go with this?”

Writing for AdvertisingAge, Shelly Palmer is not getting off the iPhone upgrade hamster wheel, but he wants you to know he’s very mad at it.

“iPhone X: Imitation Is Not Innovation.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Wira Adiyaksa.)

My monthly “new iPhone every year” payment just joined my cable bill, my water bill, and my electric bill as grudge expenses.


What. I mean. Come on.

Ancestors: “We lived in a hut under the Urals. It was bitterly cold all the time. We had to pull clean water out of a hole and carry it to our home. We all died of plague.”

Palmer: “I can’t believe I have to pay to have water and electrons pumped into my house so I can drink, bathe and have continual access to the sum total of human knowledge. I shall do so but I will not be happy about it, I assure you.”

I hate paying them because the companies charge more and more for the same stuff, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Oh, but there is! OK, maybe not the water, electricity or Internet, you gotta have those, but you can not get cable television and no one is making you buy a new iPhone every year. The Macalope’s is a year and a half old! It can be done!

(The Macalope’s not sure where Palmer lives such that the price of water and electricity is going up every year but that’s a whole other question.)

Apple promised me a new iPhone every year and I fell for it.

I am P.T. Barnum’s sucker and it’s all Apple’s fault!

Sure, I can get a new iPhone each year, but there’s nothing in the agreement saying that Apple promises to innovate or lead the industry or make something great.

[iPhones continue to get rated exceptionally well and have high customer satisfaction]

Imitation is not innovation. The iPhone X (pronounced iPhone ten) is basically a Samsung Galaxy Note 8…

Because it has similar “things” that the Galaxy Note 8 has. Forget how they work, they are similar things. That is all you need to know.

I’m a fanboy, but this time they’ve gone too far

I seemingly do not understand Apple, yet I am a huge Apple fanboy.

That may be your problem right there.

Calling retail stores “Town Squares” is pretentious and egotistical, not criminal.

Glad we settled that. Phew.

But taking credit for 4K HDR and calling years-old technology “new” is simply a lie.

If you truly believe that Tim Cook was “taking credit for 4K HDR” in his comments at the September 12th Apple Event about the inflection points in the evolution of television over the years, then you must also believe he was taking credit for black and white, color and HD, because he talked about all of those in succession. And if you believe that, please remove any objects sharper than soft butter from your workspace.

Palmer reiterates his complaint that because the iPhone 8 doesn’t introduce anything that isn’t already in the Galaxy Note 8, he’s being ripped off by the iPhone Upgrade Program. But the Galaxy Note 8 starts at $230 more than the iPhone 8. Yes, the iPhone Upgrade Program is a contract with terms and conditions, but it’s also interest-free.

When you’re raging against not only the machine but also water and electricity, you might want to reexamine what it is that has you so mad.

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