Unproven assertions: The thinnest of proofs

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It’s been said that you shouldn’t ever read the comments on web articles. So, you certainly shouldn’t try to use them as proof of Apple’s doom.

Writing for The Boy Genius Report, Zach Epstein goes to the closest tainted well to gather a bucket of Apple problems.

“Uh oh: It looks like the iPhone X’s sky-high price is actually scaring away Apple fans.” (Tip o’ the antlers to 5cat.)

When Apple first unveiled the iPhone X during last month’s big press conference, fans around the world immediately fell in love.

Epstein buys his overblown superlatives at Super Sam’s Scratch-n-Dent Superlative Shack. Find it in quality outlet malls near you.

The new hardware and display are stunning, and that all-screen design is a breath of fresh air after three consecutive years without any significant changes in the iPhone lineup.

Ask not for whom the “but” tolls. It tolls for thee, Apple.

But…

BONNNNNNNG.

…many of those smiles would soon transform into looks of anguish when Apple finally revealed the iPhone X’s price…

A device that was heavily rumored to start at $999 (or even more) and—surprise, Apple fans, you suckers—it starts at $999. That was super surprising. So much surprise, so much anguish.

…the 256GB model will be available for $1,149. That’s right, $1,149. For a smartphone.

Is that what this is?! The Macalope thought it was an oscillation overthruster! For $1,149 he expects to get to the 8th dimension!

…it looks like even some hardcore Apple fans are refusing to cough up over $1,000 for an iPhone.

Yeah, the Macalope was saying this for months before the iPhone X was announced. It’s a high-end phone at a high-end price. It’s not for everyone. Pundits, meanwhile, went around pretending it was the only phone Apple was going to announce this year. It wasn’t. If you don’t want to spend that much, guess what: Apple has phones starting at just $349.

But what’s Epstein’s evidence that Apple is royally forked? That it’s up shirt’s creek?

…Apple’s most avid fans, who frequent the Apple subreddit on Reddit.

Ha. OK. Now, there are all kinds of Apple fans, but the Macalope is kind of an Apple “fan” and he’d rather dive antler-first into a pool full of broken Zune screens than hang out on Reddit.

So, this is news? A Reddit thread with 262 comments ranging from complaining about the iPhone X pricing to asking questions to speculating on what the next iPhone X will be called to discussing data plans to comparing sales tax rates in different countries to, presumably, sharing Star Trek: Discovery plot theories? The Macalope didn’t read every comment.

Epstein pulls a bunch of “worst case scenario” quotes from Reddit users saying they’re getting a Galaxy S8 instead of an iPhone X, but not everyone sounds like one of “Apple’s most avid fans”.

I find Android vastly more intuitive to use in most aspects and the customization is killer…

Epstein fails to mention a serious complaint in this thread, which is that Apple pushed users to the 128GB tier in 2016 and then did away with that tier in this year’s phones. If you bought a new iPhone last year and want a 2017 iPhone, your choices are to try to squeeze back down to 64GB (no easy feat) or spend more to upgrade to 256GB. That’s a lousy trick to pull.

Despite its high price, the phone is expected to sell as quickly as Apple can ship it until at least sometime in the first quarter next year.

Wow. That sounds terrible for Apple. How will it ever recover?

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