If you don’t have anything nice to say about AirPods, write it up

macalope
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Looks like somebody’s mother got a cherished chestnut backward so it’s time to take a look at some ranting about AirPods.

Writing for U.K.’s Metro, Alex Hudson says “Thank you Apple for making it much easier to spot a*seholes.” (No link because that’s positively screaming “LINK TO MEEEEE!”, as was every quote the Macalope pulled from this piece which used Tynt to dump in the URL of the piece as well. So… NOT TODAY, SATAN!)

Yes, people who enjoy listening to things sure are unbearable jerks, aren’t they? As opposed to the people who run around judging others by what they’re wearing.

The earbuds batched in with iPhones are terrible.

The earphones batched with other companies’ phones, on the other hand, are $300 over-ear noise-canceling unicornphones.

Oh, sorry. We’re senselessly ranting. Apologies. Please continue.

But there is a special type of a*sehole who forks out £160 for a pair of Airpods [sic].

OK, they are more expensive in the U.K., granted. All Apple products are. The Macalope only paid the equivalent of about £119 for his AirPods. Shouldna lost that revolution, guvunah.

Most Apple products are strong, the MacBook Pro and the iPhone itself are industry-leading products.

But not the AirPods! They’re only nigh-universally loved by everyone who owns them.

Wait.

They sound terrible…

This is a matter of opinion, of course. The Macalope thinks they sound fine, good even. Nuance, however, does not pay the bulldog.

What is it with bulldogs and needing to get paid, by the way? Who has been showing them this talk by Mike Monteiro? Who shows a dog a talk? The Macalope has a lot of questions about this phrase. One day the Macalope will get to the bottom of this but we have to get back to this ranting British man right now.

…they’re expensive…

The Macalope wouldn’t call them cheap, no. And, yeah, they’re even more across the pond. But they’re only really expensive if you ignore their benefits.

Which, of course, Hudson is here to do.

…they’re unsuitable for exercise…

The Macalope literally uses them to exercise multiple times every week. But, we’ve already established that he’s an a*sehole. (If you’re not aware, “a*rse” is a Britishism for “artisanal”. Mmm-hmm.)

…(it’s a split between people saying they never fall out and reviewers who say they fall out straight away)…

Half of all people are a*seholes. Seems low in the Macalope’s experience but OK.

…they make you look stupid…

OK, they don’t look great. That is true. Space gray, please, Apple. And, uh, you can probably skip the Product Red on these because… that’s not going to be a good look.

You have chosen to buy into the Apple culture not because the hardware or the software is better but because you’re making some sort of ‘statement’ about who you are.

This is some form of weaponized wrong Hudson is spewing here because the best part of the AirPods is how well they work with Apple products. Pairing them is a freaking snap, as is switching between devices.

But, if you use AirPods…

You’re an idiot and you have instantly identified yourself as a person who probably is not worth knowing and/or has some deep seated insecurity about being noticed.

Indeed. The very secure way to handle things is to have a name-calling fit about other peoples’ headphone choices. 0 out of 10 clinical psychologists agree.

Certainly, the woman in the still from the Apple ad that Hudson includes looks like an idiot. Stupid hoody-wearing, boyfriend-loving, standing-in-a-picturesque-snowy-street idiot. Probably a huge artisanalhole, too.

Having a good battery life is not a selling point for £160 nor is being able to sync with an iPhone.

They literally both are. AirPods are small enough that the Macalope is able to carry them around all day in a case that recharges them anywhere. This is a huge convenience feature.

Said the Apple poser idiot-hole.

Wearing Airpods [sic] is pretty much a cry for help.

Please. Help. Save me from all this convenience and superior user experience. Oh, god.

 
 
  
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