Have fun: No one has to use iOS

Make your own choices, says The Macalope.


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Everyone is leaving iOS! OK, a few people. And the Macalope wishes them well.

No, really. Stop winking.

Writing for CNet, Patrick Holland tells you how to “Break up with Apple: The Pixel 2 is the best iPhone upgrade.”

OK, yes, the headline is terrible. It’s a sprinkling of nuts on top of a cupcake. It’s a Kroger Value-brand maraschino cherry in a bourbon cocktail. It’s a Rob Enderle quote in an article about Apple. But, the article is actually a straightforward discussion of the relative merits of each phone.

Yes, you have to take the premise that the iPhone 8 is not under consideration for “reasons,” but it’s clearly stated. Look, we don’t question how Chidi on The Good Place is supposedly speaking translated French in the afterlife but effortlessly speaks flawless American-accented English while working as a professor in Australia while alive, either.

Let us accept the fact that people have different needs, expectations and desired returns when deciding which smartphone to get. The Macalope prefers iPhones, but whenever anyone asks him what kind of phone to get, he always asks a lot of questions before recommending Apple phones no matter what the answers are.

No, that’s a joke. He’s recommended people get Android phones before. OK, once. And the words burned in his mouth like hot coals.

No, that’s another joke. It was more than once. And it was more like licking an ashtray.

NO. Gah. Can’t not joke about this. Ugh. And your constant winking isn’t helping, Ted.

Look, some people will simply be happier on Android. And even if we don’t share their reasoning, that’s OK. Like this guy.

Writing for Digital Trends, Ryan Waniata says “Audiophiles belong on Android. Here’s what I learned from switching over.”

Why do “audiophiles belong on Android”? Because recent iPhones don’t have headphone jacks.

Rather than buy a fairly cheap adapter, I am going to change platforms because of this one thing. OK. The Macalope has never understood single-issue voters, but they exist.

For audio geeks like myself, September 9, 2016 is a day that will live in infamy. Apple’s presentation that morning was supposed to be about the iPhone 7, but all I heard was “no more headphone jack.”

If that’s all you heard, maybe there’s something wrong with your audio setup.


My transition didn’t happen immediately. … But, as more and more Android phones followed suit and cut the jack, I was forced to make a move.

As the temperatures rose, I jumped from this small disappearing ice floe to this somewhat larger disappearing ice floe. There. Problem solved. Now to tell everyone about my solution.

Still, The Macalope isn’t going to pretend Apple’s stance toward audiophiles is rational across the board. You do get higher fidelity with wired headphones and removing a port does force certain choices. The Macalope would normally argue “Well, Apple makes products for a wide swath of people” but then they ship the HomePod, a device that’s priced toward people serious about sound. So…

It’s somewhat ironic that people are leaving the platform over the headphone jack while the horny one has an iPhone with a headphone jack that he never uses. Many people don’t get the Macalope’s preference for smaller phones, either, but none of them have hooves. Which just goes to show you, people have their own reasons for doing things.

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